We've Made Marriage an Idol in the Church

Christian culture has a way of putting so much pressure on the first couple of dates. We walk in already trying to figure out if this is the one, if this is who we're going to marry, before we've even built a real friendship. 

When that's the lens from date one, it gets heavy fast. It can turn something that should feel natural into something that feels like an interview, and that pressure can actually push a relationship down an unhealthy path before it ever gets the chance to become something real.

I think a lot of us in the church have put marriage on a pedestal. If I'm honest, I've done it myself. We know marriage is something good, something God designed and something I genuinely want for my own life someday. But somewhere along the way, marriage doesn't just become a hope; it becomes a throne. It sits in the place that's supposed to belong to God alone.

What's Actually on the Throne

Here's the truth I have to keep coming back to: Marriage was never meant to satisfy me. God is meant to do that.

“You shall have no other gods before me.” - Exodus 20:3

It's easy to read that and think of obvious things, money, success and a career. But a good gift, like marriage, can become an idol just as easily as anything else when we expect it to do something only God can do. 

We start believing that once we get married, the loneliness, the insecurity and the searching will finally disappear. That's just not true. A spouse was never designed to carry that weight. Only God can satisfy that part of us.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” - Psalm 37:4

That order matters. Delight in Him first. Let Him be the one you're satisfied with, and let everything else, including marriage, sit underneath that, not on top of it.

So What Does Intentional Dating Actually Look Like

For me, it starts with friendship. Getting to know someone as a friend first, without the pressure of trying to determine in week two whether they're the one. Just being honest about where you're at, communicating clearly and letting the relationship build at its own pace instead of forcing it toward a conclusion.

Because here's the thing nobody tells you enough: After the sparks fly and the honeymoon phase settles, the person you're left with is your friend. That's who you're actually doing life with. The hardships, the moving, the seasons of change, even loss, you need somebody beside you who is your best friend through all of it, not just somebody who appealed to you at first.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

That's what you're actually choosing when you choose a spouse. Someone to lift you up when you fall, and someone you'll do the same for. That's worth being intentional about. Not choosing based on looks or appeal alone, and not choosing because you think they'll satisfy something in you that only God can fill. Choosing wisely, choosing slowly and choosing somebody you'd want as your best friend long after the butterflies fade.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/DAMIENPHOTO

Reflection Questions

1. Has marriage, or the idea of marriage, taken a seat on the throne of your heart that belongs to God?
2. What would it look like for you to build friendship first in dating, instead of leading with pressure to figure out if it's “the one”?
3.  Are you looking for a future spouse to satisfy something only God can satisfy?

Joe Navarro, known online as @joechristianguy, is a Christian content creator, entrepreneur, and cultural voice passionate about making faith approachable and impactful for the next generation. With over 4.5 million combined followers across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, Joe delivers bold, Gospel-centered truth through a mix of daily encouragement, short-form teachings, comedic skits, and authentic life experiences. His unique blend of theology, humor, and clarity has created space for millions of young believers and skeptics alike to engage with Scripture and real conversations about following Jesus in a digital world. In 2023, he co-created the popular card game Discernment alongside Jacob and Julia Petersen, which is now available in major retailers like Amazon, Walmart, Museum of the Bible, and Mardel. He also holds a degree in Agricultural Economics with a minor in Sales from Texas A&M.