7 Shallow Reasons To End a Relationship

It’s easy to be shallow even though most of us don’t think of ourselves this way. Shallowness is rooted in our own selfish needs and desires. When our focus becomes all about what makes us happy, we make the world evolve around us instead of God. It’s not always apparent to us because we are blinded by our own deception. There can’t be perfect relationships on this earth because our sinful nature; however, we can strive to avoid the shallow reasons for ending them:

#1) Misplaced Priorities

“I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer” (Song of Solomon 5:6).

We make time for what we really want to do. When we really want God to answer our prayers—we make time to pray. When we really want to be with someone in a relationship—we make time for them as well. While there may be seasons of busyness, a desired relationship will be a greater priority.  

#2) Materialistic Values

“Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes” (James 5:2).

True love and companionship will outlive everything of material value. Designer clothes change, fashion styles change, monetary value of homes, care and furnishings change and diminish in value—yet love never changes nor does it fail over time. There’s value and appreciation for receiving gifts; however, we must be careful to not measure a relationship based on the receiving of earthly goods.

#3) Physical Appearance

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’” (1 Samuel 16:7).

The world’s view of beauty runs in contradiction to how the Lord defines a beautiful person. While there should be some physical attraction in male/female relationships—the greater priority ought to be on who the person is on the inside rather than their physical appearance. We must be careful on how we prioritize physical beauty in our relationships as we may turn away from the very person whose inward giftedness may bring much joy and peace.

#4) Human Tendencies

“As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart” (2 Samuel 6:16).

We know from the Psalms that David was a worshipper of God—in words, in musical instruments, and in song; therefore, it’s no surprise that he also praised God in the dance. Yet Michal disliked that about him. We all have human tendencies that may never change because most of us are creatures of habit. It’s best to give grace to others in our relationships as we will receive it in the same measure.

#5) Potential Prospects

“Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 4:6).

When we end a relationship because of potential prospects in the future—we take a chance. There’s no guarantee that we will find someone better—we could find someone worse and not learn of it until it’s too late. When we live always in the “chasing of the wind” in relationships (in order to please ourselves and not God), we may pass up what could’ve been a great relationship all along.

#6) Unattainable Expectations

“Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: ‘Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’?” (Colossians 2:20-1).

Some of us set unattainable expectations and/or feelings based on TV/Internet/novel culture of infatuation and romance. There’s nothing wrong with being romantic in the godly sense of modesty, respect, and discipline. However the standards of Hollywood-like values are unrealistic in the long term relationships which are filled with pleasurable and painful moments.

#7) Spiritual Perfection

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

We reveal our shallowness when we expect others to reach a spiritual perfection that only the Lord Jesus Christ lived on this earth. We are all fallible and continuously have to check our hearts to be sure we are living righteously. It’s one thing to end a relationship because the other person is willfully living a sinful life and another to expect them to live up to near perfect standards.

Dig Deeper Within

Not every relationship is meant to be pursued and not every relationship is meant to be dissolved. The wisdom to know the difference comes when we are willing to dig deeper into our personal relationship with God. The Lord is aware of our heart’s desire and He will give us insight as we humble ourselves by seeking after His will more than our own.

Article by Crystal McDowell

Crystal McDowell is a writer, speaker, and teacher with a passion to encourage believers to know and grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ through practical application of God’s word.  

Crystal and her husband, Marshall, raise their five children in the Bloomington, IL. As a freelance writer and editor for over 13 years, Crystal has published numerous Christian curriculums for Sunday School and VBS as well as many articles dealing with marriage, motherhood, and relationships. She’s a weekly staff writer for www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com as well as writing her own blog at https://crystalmcdowellspeaks.blogspot.com.