7 Questions to Ask before Getting Married

Getting married is a huge commitment that requires lots of prayer and introspection. Many people rush headlong into the planning of their marriage without first getting the right questions asked and answered. The marriage covenant is honored and respected by God—those who decide to take this step, should ask themselves the following questions:

Question #1) Why do I want to get married?

“Jesus replied, ‘The people of this age marry and are given in marriage’” (Luke 20:34).

At first this question seems too simple for most people, but taking the time to reflect on your reason for getting married can be crucial down the road. Your marriage will be tested and you will find yourself asking this very question. It’s much easier if you’ve already thought it through with a solid answer. Love is the usual answer, but is it more for getting the love you desire or willing to give out love? The Lord knows your heart and will bring you to the correct answer.

Question #2) Am I willing to lay down my life?

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters” (1 John 3:16).

Many spouses would gladly give up their lives for each other if it were necessary. However laying down your life is more than just dying—but really living for someone else. A lot can happen in marriage that will test your patience, strength, and faith in God. You may find yourself in a season of suffering for the good of your spouse—are you ready for that? Your best answer to this question is to seek the Lord and call upon His strength to help you lay down your life.

Question #3) Have I spent enough time with God to know if I’m ready?

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5).

Couples spend an enormous amount of time on the planning of their wedding and honeymoon. What may be more critical is how much time they’ve spent with God individually. The Lord freely guides those who look to Him for wisdom and direction. Spending time in prayer and fasting before making the marriage decision can be the most critical preparation for a lifetime of marriage. The Holy Spirit will lead the humble into all truth and there’s great peace in knowing that you’ve chosen time with the Lord before even the engagement.

Question #4) What are my expectations for my future spouse?

“You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little” (Haggai 1:9).

It’s very easy for believers in our culture to enter into marriage with many expectations—most are never even brought up until years in the marriage. Spend time praying, thinking, and writing out your expectations. Ask yourself the tough questions like: am I being reasonable? Could this list break up our marriage? Is my fiancé in agreement with this? Unmet expectations can drive a wedge between couples that can be very difficult to overcome. Stay on course and discuss with your potential mate about each other’s expectations to reduce the level of unwanted surprises later.

Question #5) Have I thoroughly discussed my desire with mature people in the faith?

“From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be silenced” (Proverbs 10:31).

Most believers in the faith will encourage young people to marry when they have the desire to do so. However there are times when couples are advised to be still and wait a little longer. This could be very difficult to do and will require much wisdom. It’s best to begin and end with a strong connection to the Lord in prayer and Bible study. The Lord will lead you to the right people to share your desires with as well as a good Biblical counselor or pastor to help you as a couple to stay on the right path.

Question #6) Am I spiritually, emotionally, and physically ready for marriage?

“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house” (Proverbs 24:27).

Marriage is wonderful, exciting, and at times, exhausting. Your future spouse will be blessed to have someone who is balanced spiritually, emotionally, and physically. The spirit, mind, and body all work in conjunction with each other so that you can benefit the most out of life. Take the time to work out a plan that will result in being a blessing to your husband or wife. There are many activities you can do together in preparation for your marriage including budgeting, working out, and serving together in ministry.

Question #7) Does this person complement my faith in God?

“Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” (Philippians 2:2).

It is of most importance that you choose someone who is a fellow believer. However you must also consider if you will complement each other in the faith. What if your spouse wants to go on mission trips? Is this something you will do with them? Perhaps you have a desire to one day go into ministry full-time which can open up a whole new life style—will your spouse be on board? Before marriage is the time to reflect on your spiritual balance as a couple.

Jesus is the Answer

Every question and concern about future marriage is found in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He knows what you need and who would be the best person to fill that need. In our humanness, we can miss the mark and avoid the tough questions. However in our spiritual walk with Christ, we want what He wants for us so that we can live out our marriage honoring Him in all things.

Article by Crystal McDowell

Crystal McDowell is a writer, speaker, and teacher with a passion to encourage believers to know and grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ through practical application of God’s word.  

Crystal and her husband, Marshall, raise their five children in the Bloomington, IL. As a freelance writer and editor for over 13 years, Crystal has published numerous Christian curriculums for Sunday School and VBS as well as many articles dealing with marriage, motherhood, and relationships. She’s a weekly staff writer for www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com as well as writing her own blog at https://crystalmcdowellspeaks.blogspot.com.