Here are five myths about Christian couples who date.
Living Together
One of the greatest tragedies in Christianity today is the false idea that a couple can live together with someone first before they get married to see if they’re right for each other. If they consent to live with the other person they’re dating or engaged to, be sure of this, they are breaking God’s law by living in sin. If someone says, “Well, we’re engaged so it’s okay to live together” I would ask them, “Show me chapter and verse and I’ll believe it, but until then, the Bible teaches that we should abstain from even the appearance of evil” (1st Thess 5:22). You or they can try to justify it in their or your own eyes all you want but if an unmarried couple lives together and even if they claim to be Christian, they are bringing shame to the cause of Christ by the way that they live. They can actually blaspheme the good name of God by claiming to be Christ’s and yet disobeying what He teaches in the Bible. Neighbors will see this and think, “Well, if that’s the way Christian’s live, I want no part of it because they’re no different from the world.” The fact is that divorce rates are much higher for those who live together before they marry than those who abstain from living together. There is just too great of a risk for sexual immorality in such a place and we can lust in our hearts without even committing fornication and commit sexual immorality in our hearts (Matt 5:27-31). You can try to rationalize it all you want but sin is sin, no matter what you or someone else thinks.
Premarital Sex
This is another false idea that couples can have sex before marriage and some justify it if they are already engaged but any sex outside of marriage is called sexual immorality, 100% of the time. There are no exceptions and people can try to rationalize God’s Law away all they want but it remains in force and God will punish all lawbreakers. The fact is “sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints” (Eph 5:3) and “you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Eph 5:5). There is no “except for” or “in this case” in this command. Those who continue living in sin are of the Devil (1st John 3:8-10) and God has a place for all who refuse to repent of their sexual immorality and it’s the lake of fire (Rev 21:8). I really don’t care what you think or say; all I care is what God says in His Word. That is your standard, not mine and God has declared dozens of times that “the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality” (1st Cor 6:9) and you nor is anyone else an exception to this command.
Church Members
Just because someone is a member of the church doesn’t mean that they are saved. Remember that Judas was the treasurer and no one but Christ knew whether he was saved or not. In fact, the disciples didn’t even know Judas was not one of them. He looked good, he did the right things, and he even held the money for Jesus’ earthly ministry but that means nothing. Jesus said that “many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness’” (Matt 7:22-23). Jesus declared that He will let the wheat (genuine believers) and the weeds (false converts) “grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn” (Matt 13:30). The Devil can appear as an angel of light “for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” (2nd Cor 11:14) and he even has his own ministers that “the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons” (1st Tim 4:1). If someone says “they believe,” then tell them, “Congratulations, you’ve just qualified to be a demon for “Even the demons believe—and shudder” (James 2:19). In fact, the demons were the first evangelists to openly proclaim Christ as the Son of God so just saying you believe means nothing.
Christian in word Only
Jesus once said that by their fruit you shall know them (Luke 7:16a) so He is saying that we can know by what type of fruit that they bear and asks, “Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles” (Luke 7:16b)? Truly, “every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit” (Luke 7:17) and “A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit” (Matt 7:18). If you are dating someone that you are not sure about, give it time, and see if they are bearing fruit that shows that they are Christ’s. The Apostle John clearly shows who is and who isn’t a believer by writing “Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning” (1st John 3:7-8) and for a certainty, “No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother” (1st John 3:9-10).
I’ll Fix Them
I’ve heard of and actually spoken to a man who was dating a woman who had problems with alcohol. He thought that once they got married he could help her get over her drinking problem but the truth is, it might not get better but might even get worse. To believe that they’ll change after you marry them is to take a gigantic risk. Sometimes they do change but often it’s for the worse. Others never do change and it gets even worse once they date or marry. Oftentimes, the person trying to “fix” their partner gets sucked into the same sin as they one they’re dating has. Instead of trying to make them into the right person, make sure that God does that instead for only He can change a person’s heart (Prov 21:1). We can’t. We should pray for them but never date or marry someone with obvious problems like living in sin, alcohol, drugs, or any other pet sin they refuse to give up.
Conclusion
I hope this can give couples who are dating some help in finding out God’s will for their lives and most certainly God’s will is for you to live a holy life. Let me tell any Christian couple that is dating, engaged or not, that you must know and follow the will of God for your lives and what is God’s will? Here “is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality” (1st Thess 4:3). Can it be any clearer than that? Christian couples are commanded to not live together, to have sex outside of marriage, to make sure that just because they’re a church member they are actually Christian, that evil the Devil can appear as an angel of light, and that you can fix them once you marry them. Avoid these things and God may bless you with a very godly marriage and it doesn’t get any better than that here on earth.
Article by Pastor Jack Wellman
