I Wish I Knew This Before I Started Dating

I didn't grow up with a manual for this. I figured most of it out the hard way — through relationships that taught me more about myself than about the other person, and through mistakes I didn't even realize were mistakes until years later.

So here's a list of things I genuinely wish someone had sat me down and told me before I ever started dating. It's not a formula or a checklist to master overnight, just real things I picked up the slow way.

I haven't been in a relationship in four years. This year, I finally started counseling and began working through some of my past experiences, and I've been getting actively discipled by my pastor while reading God's Word daily. None of that was about preparing for a relationship specifically, but I can already feel how much closer it's brought me to the Lord, and I know it's going to shape whatever relationship comes next in ways I wouldn't have gotten to on my own.

1. Someone Can Say They're a Christian and Not Actually Be Following the Lord

This one took me a while to learn. Just because someone says the right words, goes to church, or talks about their faith doesn't mean they're actually walking with God. Faith that's real shows up in how someone actually lives, not just what they say about themselves.

1 John 2:4 - "Whoever says 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him."

Pay attention to the fruit, not just the language.

2. Be Careful Before You Say "I Love You"

I told a girl I loved her once, and I genuinely didn't know what love was yet. I meant it in the moment, but I didn't understand the weight of what I was saying. Now I'm careful with those words when I'm dating someone — because when I finally do say it, I want them to know I actually mean it, not that it's just something I say easily.

Song of Solomon 8:4 -"Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases."

Love said too early or too easily loses its weight. Guard it.

3. Find Someone Who Will Date You Back

This sounds obvious, but I mean it specifically — pursuit should never be one-sided. If you're the only one reaching, planning, and initiating, that's information, not a challenge to overcome.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 - "Two are better than one... for if they fall, one will lift up his fellow."

You're looking for someone who reciprocates, not someone you're dragging along.

4. Watch Out for "Too Spiritual"

I dated someone once, where we could never really just have a normal conversation. Everything got spiritualized to the point where it started to feel like a performance instead of a real connection. Faith should deepen a relationship, not replace the ability to just talk like two normal people.

1 Corinthians 13:1 - "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."

Spiritual language without real substance is just noise.

5. Get to Know Them as a Friend First

Before anything else, ask yourself if you actually enjoy spending time with this person — not because of how they look, but because of who they are. Looks fade. Personality, character, and how someone treats people don't.

Proverbs 31:30 - "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Build the friendship first. Everything else should come after that, not instead of it.

6. Ask God for Peace and Direction Before You Pursue

I can be quick to just act without thinking it through. What I'm learning now is to actually ask God for direction and wait for peace before I pursue someone - instead of moving first and hoping it works out.

Philippians 4:6-7 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Patience isn't the absence of pursuit. It's pursuing peace instead of impulse.

Where This Leaves Me

None of this means I've figured it all out. I'm still learning most of these in real time. But I'd rather walk into the next relationship a little wiser than I walked into the last one — and if any of this saves you a few years of learning it the hard way, that's the whole point of writing it down.

Reflection Questions:

1. Would you ever look for a spiritual Mentor to disciple you like a Pastor?

2. Have you ever mistaken spiritual language for real spiritual depth in a relationship?

3. What would it look like for you to actually wait on God's peace before pursuing someone, instead of acting first?

Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Giang Vu

Joe Navarro, known online as @joechristianguy, is a Christian content creator, entrepreneur, and cultural voice passionate about making faith approachable and impactful for the next generation. With over 4.5 million combined followers across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, Joe delivers bold, Gospel-centered truth through a mix of daily encouragement, short-form teachings, comedic skits, and authentic life experiences. His unique blend of theology, humor, and clarity has created space for millions of young believers and skeptics alike to engage with Scripture and real conversations about following Jesus in a digital world. In 2023, he co-created the popular card game Discernment alongside Jacob and Julia Petersen, which is now available in major retailers like Amazon, Walmart, Museum of the Bible, and Mardel. He also holds a degree in Agricultural Economics with a minor in Sales from Texas A&M.