Clueless at the LightWhat would others say about my influence on them?
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For real, ok, I AM a mother to three Beautiful Angels in Heaven, and one on earth. I feel that family comes first not matter what.If you spend more time at a job then with family whats the point of having a family? The sad part about my life is the fact that my children are not here with me. My daughter Keslee passed away in my womb when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, I was in a car accident. I gave birth to her naturally 12 hours later on April 11,1999. She would be 8 years old now and in the second grade. I miss her everyday........ I got pregnant with my second child Kaden James on my honeymoon in Colorado, I had problems my whole pregnancy and had to see a high risk docter. Kaden passed away when I was 23 weeks pregnant. I went in for in ultrasound and the docter told me there was no heartbeat, I was devastated beyond belief, I never thought I would hear those words again No Heartbeat. I got induced the same day and had him 4 hours later at Baylor ALL Saints. He weighed 13 ounces . He is our Tiny Little Angel.Kaden Had my husbands name and it was our first boy. I miss him more than life itself.He just turned two in Heaven on August 8. Jaymie I got pregnant with 7 months later unexpected, but excited. I really did not have any problems intill I went into my docters appt for a sonogram and I had lost almost all my amniotic fluid. I got admitted into Baylor that day to try to stay pregnant as long as possible. I only stayed pregnant for 4 days, I had Jaymie by emergency c-section on September 3. He weighed 1 pound and three ounces. I did not get to see him intill that night because my docter gave me medicine because of my blood pressure, It knocked me out. When I woke up that night I made the nurses wheel me into the Nicu so I could see my son. He was the most beautiful, tiny lil baby I had ever seen. I was amazed that He had made it being so tiny, He was a fighter from the beginning. Jaymie spent three months and 23 days in the Nicu having numerous surgeries, had to have blood products everyday just to survive. I spent every day with Jaymie in the Nicu unless I was sick.And that was not very often. On December 23 Jaymie got so sick that the docters told us that nothing was working medically anymore for Jaymie, He was know starting to suffer. From that point on everything had seemed to be working for Jaymie. Jaymies lil body just could not handle it anymore so we were faced with the decision to take him off life support. Jimmy and I decided on December 26 that we were gonna be unselfish parents and end his suffering. We Kept him with us all day long saying goodbye to Jaymie with friends and family. At 11pm that night we took Jaymie off life support, He passed away in my arms at 11:25. I was so angry that we had to make this decision, NO PARENT should ever be faced with that. Jaymie also had Cystic Fibrosis which is a fatal disease that effects the lungs and intestine, The docters had told us in the end that with everything that wqas going on with Jaymie plus his Cystic Fibrosis that he had a 0% chance of survival. Words cannot express how much I miss my lil Froggy, that was jhis nickname. I would give my own life just to have him here. I miss him more than life itself. I will NEVER GET OVER LOSING MY CHILDREN. tIME DOES NOT HEAL WOUNDS. i STILL MISS ALL MY CHILDREN AS IF THEY HAD JUST PASSED AWAY YESTERDAY.Jaymie would be turning 1 year old On September 3(Labor day). I have been an emotional wreck everyday. Just writing this makes me hurt so bad.Please pray for strength for me, As I need it everyday. If you'd like to know more about me feel free to ask in a message, Love Tonya, An Angel Mommy to three.............