Therapy + Theology with Carley Marcouillier

Therapy + Theology with Carley Marcouillier

Carley Marcouillier

“They Just Don’t Care about Me” and Other Stories We Believe

October 27, 2021   ●   22 min

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Today’s episode dives into another relational topic that impacts our communication and the quality of our interactions. I'm sure we all can relate to the frustration of nothing being understood and at other times not understanding those we love. This pattern called “Mind reading” is built on the foundation of unchecked assumptions.

The stories we tell ourselves have an enormous impact on our emotions and perspectives and when those stories begin to write the narratives of our relationships with others, it can cause unneeded conflict and misunderstandings.

Mind reading is under the umbrella of cognitive distortions which jump to Conclusions- This means that our brains seek to Interpret the meaning of a situation with little or no evidence.

As you probably have experienced, This Irrational thinking pattern quickly influences our feelings within relational contexts and consequently interferes in many ways in the way we perceive and engage in relationships.

Why Do We Mind Read?

It is our brain’s way of seeking to control outcomes by anticipating how to respond.

Reason to Reframe: The importance of reframing our perspective around this topic will tremendously help us in reducing internal distress and increase our ability to connect with those around us by communicating our thoughts and feelings openly and clarifying our assumptions to maintain unity and respect.

Reframing with Truth:
Look back to Scripture and realize that God’s Word addresses these underlying relational patterns.

Questions to ask yourself:
Do I know that to be true?
Have I clarified?

An inversion of assumption is expectation. We often expect someone to do something, say something, or be a part of something without communicating our needs and desires.

The issue with unverbalized expectations is that we often make assumptions based on them.

People cannot meet expectations that have not been communicated or agreed upon.

Questions to ask yourself:
Do we have expectations that are not being met?
Have our expectations been verbalized?
Do we feel that others have unrealistic expectations of us?
Do we need to clarify?

Sometimes our perceived expectations can be untrue yet we can approach our relationships with the frustration or pressure to meet such expectations.

This week, let’s become aware of our tendency to read minds and take time to communicate our thoughts, clarify our perspectives, and pursue understanding and unity in our relationships!

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