Therapy + Theology with Carley Marcouillier

Therapy + Theology with Carley Marcouillier

Carley Marcouillier

4 Reasons Why You Have a Hard Time Saying “No”

October 13, 2021   ●   33 min

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From boundaries, communication, differentiation, loneliness and community etc. There are many important truths and techniques to support us in developing healthy and God honoring relationships with those around us. I am finding that to love those around me well, I must start with uncovering messages I have believed, addressing patterns of unhealth, and reframing my perspective through practice and prayer.

So, today’s episode is going to focus on one of the most common questions brought into therapy. Why is it so hard to say “no”?

I am learning, slowly, that whether professionally or personally, I must find my edges. Learn my limits, and communicate my choices clearly.

AKA we need to know and name our boundaries. These spoken or unspoken relational lines are meant to help us distinguish where we end and others begin.

One of the easiest ways to test the quality of your boundaries is to ask yourself two simple questions:

Do I say no?
Do I apologize for my limits?

If you answered yes to either then you are in good company.

So, the question is WHY?
What motivates us to contradict our capacity, push ourselves beyond our limits or dismiss our needs, feelings, and values?

The top 4 reasons you have a hard time saying no:
1. Guilt of letting people down – this is the most common reason
2. Need to “help” others in over to be loved – “Am I doing this -for- love, or -from- love?”
3. Needing to please people
4. Need of acceptance

What Are the Consequences of Not saying No?
These symptoms may be present if you don’t implement boundaries:
1.Enmeshment /Codependency
2.Emotional distress
4.Guilt/fear cycle

Let’s reframe our perspective. Here’s what boundaries are NOT…
1. walls
2. others’ responsibility
3. equal
4. selfish

What boundaries ARE …
1. Relational Tracks
2. property lines of one’s personal power
3. individualized
4. self-care

Boundaries 3 key components:
1.Ownership - personal power
2.Choice - yes and no
3.Responsibility - invitation vs. expectation

1.Check in and invite God in too
2.Explore your values by going back to God’s word
3.Name your limits
4.Take small bites - build with small no’s

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Episode Image Credit: Getty/Elenabs
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