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MY TESTIMONY ÃÃÃÃÃÃÂ¢ By David Viado "What you are is God's gift to you; what you make of yourself is your gift to God" My Testimony: I am not proud of who I was but who I have become in Christ. It is because of God's grace and mercy that I have been saved from the deception and bondage of sin. He has brought me out of the pit, placed my feet on a solid foundation, and called me son! For that, I am eternally thankful! The memory of it has faded. Washed away, as it were, and yet it happened nearly thirty eight years ago. To those many men, women and friends who believe they were born homosexual, I am not here to condemn you for it, or argue about it. I can only give my own account. I am no different than any other person who arrives at the crossroad in life to find there is not one thing more, nor any other person who can satisfy the longing in the soul. Everything in this world is but temporary satisfaction, and will end when the body turns back to dust. All our earthly possessions will also fade way. All our earthly dreams and goals will amount to nothing unless there is hope beyond the grave. Only Jesus can satisfy the longing in the soul and fill the emptiness and void. I was happy with who I had become. Life was good. Even great! I finally was able to be who I wanted to be. I didn't need or want anyone telling me what I didn't want to hear. I despised anyone who tried and clung close to my new family. I found what my heart was longing for and wasn't going to give it up. Drinking and drugs became a major part of my new life and were used frequently whenever it was time to party. It was the 70's and a time for "making love not war" a time of "freedom of expression, to love the one you're with" the years prior to AIDS, where sexual freedom and expression could be experienced without fear of contracting a deadly disease. Much of my life was spent in search of a perfect partner, perfect love, and friendship. It was the same scene day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. After many years passed I began experiencing unexplainable occurrences. The first experience occurred when I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah. I did not have a job, no place to live, and it was snowing. I escaped the cold by going into a hotel. While I was there I called my parents in California out of desperation, to beg for money. All they had to offer was prayer. While I was on the phone with them an earthquake happened and people began exiting the building and escaping out the elevators in fear. I had nothing to loose so I ended the conversation with my parents and took the elevator all the way to the top; The 13th Floor of the hotel. When the door opened I discovered that at the very top was a restaurant, bar and heliport. An elderly black man was standing behind the front desk and had a bewildered expression on his face. I asked him if he knew if there were any job openings, and his jaw dropped and eyes opened wide. He said all the restaurant bus boys and waitresses had fled during the earthquake. I told him that I hadn't eaten for three days and was hungry. He took me into the kitchen, fed me, and told me to fill out an application for employment. He said come to work tomorrow! The second unexplainable incident was when I was moving out of an apartment and needed $100.00 to move into the new one. My parents had sent me luggage which were the last items I removed from the apartment. The smallest one was on the top shelf of the closet and was the very last one to be moved. When I pulled it down, a bill fell directly onto my face. I immediately thought it was a dollar bill. When my eyes re-focused, to my surprise, I saw that it was exactly a $100.00 dollar bill! I checked to see if any of my room mates had lost money, and even checked with the landlord to see if any of the previous tenants had reported any money they had lost. He said, "No. Any money you find is yours!" Still on another occasion, after moving back to California, I spent most of the day, and part of the night at a bar. The friends I was with knew the owners and bartenders. They treated us to food and drinks. As it grew dark customers began filling the place. Eventually the bar filled to capacity to the point where people stood cramped next to each other . . . except for the space in front of the stool that I occupied. No one was standing or sitting near me. A young man entered the front door and immediately looked directly at me. He made his way through the crowed room and broke through the opening where I was seated. He did not stop but kept eye contact with me. As he passed he calmly said, "You don't belong here" and made his way out the back door. Curiously I followed him. When I opened the door where he had exited I looked all around but could not find him. He had just vanished! Numerous times I had thought that I had a special unseen protection I could never explain. I was driving home from San Francisco with my front passenger side window down when someone threw a large rock into my vehicle missing my head, grazing the very tip of my right ear crashing into the rear panel of the car. Throughout the years of being a prodigal son my family continually reminded me that they were praying for me, and took advantage of the times I was home by sharing the love of God with me. I would always find a way to excuse myself when they began talking to me about my soul's condition. I want to stop at this point to tell you that even though I rebelled and rejected what my family had to say, God was honoring their prayers and efforts even though they didn't see immediate results. At that time I did not know what was happening to me. God will make a way where there seems to be no way. The desert may seem dry, endless, and hopeless, but God will spring up a well in the wilderness and turn insurmountable problems into the possible! Do not lose courage, hope, or stop praying. Stay firmly roosted in your faith in God not your own ability. It seemed as though I could not find satisfaction. In my search I would occasionally take hallucinogenic drugs. On a night out with friends I decided to"drop acid" then referred to as "Christmas Trees" Approximately twenty minutes after taking the drug I began feeling nauseous. The friend I was with told me to take another half to stop the nauseousness. Later I discovered I had actually taken two full hits of acid instead of one and a half. Soon after, the nauseousness began to subside. Let me interject by saying, the sole purpose people take hallucinogenic drugs is to have fun, and experience euphoria. It was around 3:00 A.M when I began experiencing feelings of paranoia; I thought the two other people I was with were trying to kill me. I got up and walked out the door. It seemed to be miles. In reality it was only a few blocks, but time too was distorted. As I was approaching one of Monterey's major trafficked roads the sun began to rise. It was still dim and people began driving by. As I looked into the vehicles that were passing I thought I saw skeletons driving the cars instead of people with flesh on. I could hear a a trash truck was making it's rounds but could not see it. When it came into view I saw the driver wearing a white veil over his head with a shotgun strapped to his back. He too was a skeleton. The paranoia began to intensify. In an effort to regain control, and keep my pounding heart from jumping out of my chest I looked for a place to calm down. I found a spot underneath a grove of trees. I sat down and began taking slow, deep breaths, and refocusing my attention on something else. Across the road was the ocean so I focused on itsÃÃÃÃÃÃÂ¢ beauty and the rising of the sun. When I regained enough control I resumed my walk toward home, which was twenty five miles away. I had come to Monterey with friends, and had not driven. Therefore my intention was to walk as close as I could to the highway and hitch a ride back to Salinas. By the time reached the highway on ramp the sun had risen. I tried to thumb a ride but no one was stopping. I decided to try and find a pay phone at a nearby hotel. At that time cell phones were still not well known. I found one at the hotel's restaurant. The paranoia and the thought that people were out to kill me returned. I turned my back on the people sitting at the counter of the restaurant so I could not see them. I was trying to get home again to a safe and secure place where I could find rest so I called my parents. The phone rang and my father answered. I told him that I needed a ride home because I was dieing. He couldn't believe his ears and replied, "Stop joking David" I told him I wasn't joking. He handed the phone to my mother who wanted to know what happened to make me think I was dieing. She told me not to move from where I was at that she was coming to pick me up with my brother-in-law. I told her not to hang up because I would die so she handed the phone back to my father. While I waited my father tried his best to keep my mind from drifting back to my paranoia. He began praying and I told him that I did not need that. He said, "But that's all I know to do son" At that moment I could see my brother-in-law approaching the door. I told my father that they had arrived and hung up. My brother-in-law was prepared for me to take off running; instead I walked with him straight to his van where my mother, sister and children were waiting. As soon as I saw him all the paranoia feelings, fear, and anxiety completely left. It was like I had never taken any drugs at all. Later, in my right mind, I realized that the drugs I had taken kill healthy blood cells. So yes, I was dieing. As time passed I had a chance to re-examine my life, and the direction I was headed. I did not see any hope of reversing what occurred at childhood, and reigned myself to the fact that I would be this way my whole life One night I had a dream that left me sweating; I was sitting in the living room with all my family gazing out the window at the beautiful sky when suddenly a great wind arose approaching from the west with lightening and thunder. It grew intense and began lifting the ground and throwing it great distances. It was then that I noticed a massive tornado descend out from the dark clouds. My family remained calm and were unshaken by it's boisterous sounds. But I could no longer remain seated and told them we need to get out of here before it destroys us. One of my sisters said, "There's nothing to be afraid of" but I frantically stood to my feet and said, "We need to get out of here!" She replied, "If you need to" Together we walked to the front door. When she opened the door her hair and clothing flew from the force of the wind as did mine. The wind was so powerful that we needed to lean into it to walk. The storm grew stronger as it jumped around us. Wherever I turned it turned, but my sister remained constant and unshaken. Whenever I stopped she stopped, but never turned to look at me. The tornado jumped directly in front of me and slowly closed the distance. I turned toward my sister in fear and look at her. She then turned to look at me and calmly said, "Are you ready to go back now?" The dream ended. After brief relationships, and jobs, I decided it was time to seriously begin mapping my future. I searched for a full time job that would give me security and provide an income big enough for my necessities that would last a lifetime. I walked into a local hospital and sat in the lobby not knowing exactly what to do. I heard one of the switchboard operators at the front desk say, "Can I help you young man? Are you looking for someone?" I told her I was looking for a job. She asked, "What kind of work are you looking for?" I replied, "Custodial" She told me that I would have to fill out an application for employment and keep an interest card active if I wasn't hired right away. She told me that she had connections and was a personal friend of the custodial supervisor. She then instructed me to have a seat while she called him. Within minutes the elevator door opened up and a military looking man marched directly to the switchboard operator. She spoke to him and he looked over at me with a stern look on his face. He walked over to me and I instinctively stood up and offered my hand to him. He briefly shook my hand and began asking questions. After a very brief conversation he told me to report to his office the next day. When I came to his office he asked me when I could start. I answered, "Right now." He gave me the paper work and I began working that week. Working my first year was very difficult, but I was determined to prove to him that I was worth it. Soon after I passed the probationary time I contracted Hepatitis and had to stay off work while I was infected. During that time the friends I hung out with came to visit. Understandably, they kept their distance. My skin and eyes were extremely yellow from the jaundice. I could not drink, smoke or do the drugs as I was accustomed to. I had to sit or lay on the couch in the corner the entire time I was sick because of the weakness caused by Hepatitis. During the time I could not leave my family took advantage of the opportunity and planted seeds in my life. It was Sunday afternoon, in the same place, experiencing the same questions from my family during the extent of the illness. I wasn't aware or even ready for what was about to happen. Neither was my bother - in - law and sister. They began with their usual faithful sermon. This time as they spoke, it was as if my ears could hear what they were saying. As I looked, it was as if scales fell from my eyes. I could plainly see what I could not see before. Their words were sincere, their eyes pierced my soul, my heart was soft, and receptive. This time I could not resist the words that I had heard time after time. I thought I knew how it would end but I was so wrong. My brother - in - law, who had always been the one to lead the conversation, stopped speaking and my sister took over. She simply asked me, "Are you ready to go back now?" The same words I had heard in my dream! As soon as she spoke those words I was released to answer, "Yes" Both of them could not believe their ears. My sister asked, "Are you joking David?" I said "No" They both were so overwhelmed with joy that they practically leaped from their sitting positions. They lead me in the prayer of repentance. The time of restoration and healing came and I slowly regained my spiritual and physical strength. I started attending services again and a serious study and hunger of God's word followed. I spoke directly to my heavenly Father and asked Him to reveal the truth to me in His word. He was faithful and merciful. He endued me knowledge and wisdom and supernatural power I never new existed. The one thing I needed to do was completely trust Him with ALL areas of my life including my sexuality. I told Him that if He wanted me to have a relationship with a woman that I needed His help. Soon after that private request, women started showing up. I couldn't believe how fast God worked! I gave Him my specifications but I didn't see the one I asked for. He even sent me what I thought was the total opposite of what I requested. There were no blondish-red-haired, green eyed, fair skinned women showing up. The ones He did send did not work out. He even sent a short, dark haired, brown eyed, brown skinned Filipino girl who was totally the opposite of all of them. Plus she was stubbornly persistent. She was always at my parentÃÃÃÃÃÃÂ¢s house waiting for me to get off work. As soon as I stepped in the house she got up and left. On one occasion I told her that I loved her as a sister in the Lord, but was not in love with her. She was broken hearted but not shaken. As years went by the women God had sent me were gone except the short, dark Filipino girl. She stuck to me like a fly stuck to glue. She received tragic news from the Philippines that her grandmother had passed away. She immediately booked her flight and was gone for one month. During that time her best friend and I would go to Denny's after church with church family. She would keep a journal on a napkin of how things were going and planned to give it to her on her return. I had not noticed it but her friend told me that she noticed a difference in my attitude toward her while she was gone. I told her I don't see it. Upon her return from the Philippines I noticed a mark difference in my heart but kept it inside me. One evening we went to the mall together. She stopped to look in the window of a jewelry store. She told me that Priscilla, her friend, and her had previously looked at a ring that she though was beautiful. I said let's take a closer look. We went inside the store and asked the Jeweler to give us a closer look at the ring. It was beautiful as Caroline had said. I took it out of it's case and held it. I told her try it on and she did. It fit perfect! The Jeweler smiled and said, "What do you think?" I paused for a moment then said, "We'll take it!" From then on, Caroline has never left my side. I told the Lord, "You need to help me now!" I had never had a relationship with a woman until then! I didn't know when the time came if everything would work! A year later we were married. After our honeymoon we returned to my family's home and were greeted by my father. When he embraced me I whispered in his ear," Everything works!" He exclaimed, "Hallelujah!!" For three years we tried to have a child with no success. We decided to see a doctor. He told us that they needed to take my @!%@# and liquefy it then inseminate Caroline with it. I told the doctor that we believed God would help us. Eight months went by when I received news from Caroline while at work. She was pregnant with our first child! We now have two beautiful daughters. Bevin, 19 and Jasmine,16. We just celebrated our 23 wedding anniversary on the May 31, 2009. With God ALL THINGS are possible! God allows us to be tested to strengthen us and cause us to grow. Caroline and I had been married about a year. Early one morning, approximately 1:00 A.M, I received an unexpected phone call from a young man, who could have been in his early teens. It was an obscene phone call. At first I was not sure what to do, or understand why this obscene call was so different from any other. As I sat there listening to his voice, I remembered where I had came from; all the experiences I had gone through; the emotions, the disappointments, and losses I had suffered in those years. Then I remembered what God had done for me. I had asked Him to give me strength to overcome the obstacles I would face, and wisdom to help me know what to do when the time came. As I listened past the callerÃÃÃÃÃÃÂ¢s voice, I could hear his loneliness, and the longing in his soul. It was not until then that moment that I understood why this phone call was different. It was different because I had changed. It was then that I knew that the uttermost parts of the earth began in me and continued through me. I was called to reach those in need of the great Physician. I lovingly and patiently drew my caller away from his fleshly thoughts and desires to reveal to him what his soul was truly searching for. It took three separate calls for the soil of his heart to be softened enough to lead him in the prayer of salvation. In time, he let his guard down and trusted both Caroline and I. We lead him in Bible study and prayer, listened when he spoke or had questions, but most importantly, loved him regardless of who he was. We have not heard from him in many years, but know he will never forget what happened to him the day he chose to place that call. You may receive an unexpected phone call someday. What you say and do will have eternal consequences. It is up to you to use what God has equipped you with to rescue the perishing. Getting out of the box, and out of your comfort zone will require going where they are to reach them. We may not like "the games" they play, but it will require getting down to play marbles or jacks in order to draw them in. We must "be wise as serpents yet gentle as doves" and go beyond the games, beyond the flesh, beyond the exterior appearances of man to reach the soul. Many more marvelous things have happened since then, but the best is yet to come!! One of my father's favorite scriptures is, "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and lose his own soul, or what can he give in exchange for it?" Our life is but a vapor. When our last breath is taken, the golden bowl is broken, and our eyes close, when our body is still, where will we spend the rest of eternity? Some say that there are many ways to eternal bliss, but my soul rejoices in knowing that Christ is my hope beyond the grave; He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He is the rock of my salvation. ". . . For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, or principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38-39 With Christ, there is hope in the life that is, and the life that is yet to come. ------------------------------------------------------------ ÃÃÃÃÃÃÂ¢It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.ÃÃÃÃÃÃÂ¢ Leo F. Buscaglia 1924-1998 Christ loved us