Tim Conway As Oldest Man Is Hilariously Bad At Torture in Hysterical Skit

In another epic sketch from The Carol Burnett Show, Tim Conway plays perhaps the oldest man alive and a terrifically, but hilariously, bad deliverer of torture!

Carol’s comedy crew creates another legendary skit featuring Vicki Lawrence as the unwilling bride-to-be, Harvey Korman as the King with a crush, and Tim as the dimwitted and incompetent “royal torturer.” Clearly, the king needs a better method for vetting his employees. Or, perhaps this one has just lost his touch during his tenure in service to the kingdom. Either way, it is a sad state of affairs! 

As the clip begins, King Harvey has already “asked” the captive beauty to marry him. This time, she says that she would rather be attacked by a warthog. Ouch! The king reminds himself that a warthog is a “large piggie,” and that’s clearly not the response he was hoping for. 

At this, he calls upon Royal Torturer Tim to expedite matters.

Tim struggles just to make his way through the spider web that covers the ancient wooden door to his quarters; he finds a medieval axe for the job. He moves with glacial speed, shuffling across the torture chamber, and he seems only to hurt himself.

Tim, the Torturer, begins by biting his thumb, but he continues to sear his back and side with a hot poker, slams his head into the wall while trying to catch the mouse meant to terrify the not-particularly-distressed damsel, and strangles himself twice with a medieval mace (a.k.a. spike ball)! 

Vicki, pretty in pink, remains steadfast in her determination not to marry the king. With two additional threats, she comments that she’d rather “kiss a chicken on the beak” or “smoke duck feet.” She provides colorful and insulting alternatives!

At last, it appears that King Harvey’s henchman has failed to secure the lady’s agreement to marriage. He concedes that there is no use to try further. Alas, though, his defeat and despair do the trick! 

Vicki tells the “silly goose” to take heart—I think she has a fascination with poultry. She’s been playing hard to get! 

Meanwhile, Tim has pierced his body in a spiked casket. No matter, though. He’s done his job and is ready for the next victim!

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4 

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