Measured Success

I continue to page through my memories and examine a time that this world would see me as being on top. I started a business and the the business grew fast. My reputation was excellent and success was certian. I dove headfirst into my business. The amount of money I was taking in was unbelievable to me. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine I would be making so much. <br />
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With this success came a full time nanny/ cook/ maid and luxuries I had not dreamed of let alone hoped on having. <br />
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The County I lived in raved about how great I was, my employees fed my Ego with compliments and praise, and I was pampered with coffee and breakfast in bed whenever I so desired. My house, laundry and children were cleaned by my nanny and dinner on the table when I came home. Many spoke of how proud they were of me. Many said I was strong beyond my years. Yet what they did not know was what was stirring on the inside of me and they could not see the fear. To paint the picture of my life I appeared very confident. Phone calls, meetings, Doctors, Attorneys, Social workers and staff saw me as this independent confidant woman that owed no one for her accomplishments. They did not see a drop out of high school but only my achievements. Cancer got rid of all the emotional road blocks that said I cant but there still was an overwhelming fear that poured me into my front door and put me on my knees to ask God for help to make it through the next day. They did not see how much I relied on both my mother and sister in the business and they held me up in the areas I was clearly weak. <br />
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During the middle of what should have been the best time of my life I quietly ached. I was afraid to speak to others of my sadness because I felt I had no reason to be sad and more times than not I felt I was being ungrateful. Yet the ache came day after day. <br />
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Yes, it appeared that I had