lillillybug's Blog

Today, I have been so overwhelmed with so many mixed emotions! I feel almost as if God is punishing me.. I don't understand why God would take Lilly from me and give a baby to my 18, unwed sister.. I don't understand. I'm trying so hard to find the reason behind everything but I cant! I had to work today and my boss sent me home because I couldn't stop crying. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm a mother, its just hard when you don't feel like one. Why?

Every holiday is really hard for me and Michael because Lilly's not here to enjoy it with us. I know that she is enjoying it with Jesus right now. Yesterday after mentioning that me and Michael might try again to Michael's grandmother, she really discouraged me from it. I felt so upset! I just want everyones support, do they think that its going to happen again?! ugh.. I wish everyone could be supportive. The love of a child is so pure and true. I just really hope that another baby is in God's plan for me and Michael. Even though we have only been trying for about 3 months, I'm so impatient and want it to happen now. I wish I could just have patients.