laurenhawley's Video Channel

I have grown up in a Christian home my whole life.. I love my God. This past year is when I finally started realizing that my faith is my own.. I went on a trip to Branson for a girls retreat for our youth. I was one of the leaders since i am in college. I have never done anything like this before and i knew my heart wasnt in the right place to be a christian Godly leader for these girls.. I went anyway with a bitter heart. The first session was friday night.. Ashley ( the leader of the youth ) gave an amazing lesson along with worship. I knew God was speaking straight to me and i got angry.. That night i cried myself to sleep because I knew that God's way is best for my life and i dont want to drift for Him. But Satan had too much of my heart for me to give in.. I wasnt making stupid choices, in my head knowing it could get there.. but I was just not wanting God in my life cuz I wasnt patient enough..knowing i WAS going down the wrong path.. the next morning we headed to the chapel again for worship and lesson.. I knew God was going to be working at me again, but i was scared and nervous about it ( almost not wanting it, yet o so deeply wanting it..) During her lesson I could tell the holy spirit was speaking through her. I felt a deep deep tug at my heart..Her words were "Satan LOVES when you listen to him..but he HATES you..he HATES you.." When she said that i started crying.. why was i giving so much time into the worldly ways (satans ways) I felt sooo selfish and lied to.. During worship i was on my knees in full surrender and was asking for forgivness.. I knew God was with me.. God met me right where I was at :) From this day on i will wait patiently for my God.. I want to be an instrument.. i want Him to play through me!! I love my God my Jesus!!! :) He saved me..