Meaning MirageWhere do you typically find meaning in life?
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I was born and raised in CA. in a home of drugs, alcholism, and abuse.As I grew up my father was never really ever there for us as a loving father,just as a material father. Til this day my mom still denies everything. I experienced things children should never, ever have to experience. My dad actually use to leave me marijuania for doing chores and homework.He would then come home and I would have to fear if I was going to get beat for something out of anger,spite or cause he was on a drug binge.But thats nothing compared to some of the things I have been thru, My dad was so sick in his own mind at tht time,that he then introduced me to the whole process of freebasing from cookinging it up,to smoking it at the age of 14.(I don't blame anyone but self for all my faults and choices in life) That began my journey down the road of darkness! I have been some places that make grown men cry and fear.The DEVIL actually allowed me to have alot of the things that kids are searching for these days.But that was ALL taking away in a blink of an eye and I was left standing in the darkness alone, scared, broke, ashamed, broken , and confused with no where to go (so I thought!) I end up becoming homeless and struggling to feed my habit and just to find a place to rest.I actually ended up sleeping on the side of the railroad tracks in one of the toughest parts of Oakland,CA. My parents were never really in my life by this time...not that it would have helped anyways. But my grandmother died when I was about 30 years old and my mother ended up selling her home and gave me $2000 thinking that it would actually pick me up and help me on my way. But by this time of my life I was already ready to die. I was 103 lbs. broke with no friends to offer a hand up, or any possibilities of getting a job, I had 1 set of clothes and smelt like the filth of the world.But she gave me the money anyways,I ended up buying a few oz. of crack cocaine (enough to kill 5 people)and I got 6 bottles of wild turkey and had bought a handful of downers from some guy on the street, and a carton of smokes. I then went to the nearest cheapest motel and got it for 7 days.My plan at this time was to "DIE AND NEVER RETURN!" As I sat in that motel room for the first 6 days the DEVIL and his helpers were tormenting me like NO TIME before. Paranoid I started unplugging everything electrical, I covered all the mirrors and holes in the walls with towels. By the 7th day all the drugs,booze,and downers were gone. So I placed what pictures I carried around of my family on the bed. Then I started to write out a goodbye letter to my 3 children(Anthony,Moriah,Gabrianna) ,my parents and anyone who would listen. I then picked up the throw away 38 revolver that I used to carry.....I placed it in my mouth and begun to shake and cry. Right at that moment JESUS walked in the room and out in a flash went all the darkness and it's spirits.I lost all strentgth and control and the gun fell to my side. Remind you I NEVER knew the love of a earthly father at this time. But as JESUS walked up to the bed I started balling.All the hurt and pain that I had carried and hid behind drugs,one-night stands, clubbing,hurting people(especially my children),it started to gush out. I had never cried like this ever! As JESUS sat on the bed I fell too the floor and put my head in HIS lap and cried like a baby. The next thing I knew was that I heard an audible voice say "I am NOT done with you yet son!" I cried for hours and as I lfted my head, Jesus was gone(But HIS spirit was there.) I then Picked up the phone (which I did not leave a deposit for... funny how God works out the small things or shall I say Big things.)and called a Pastor from Grace Christian Center in Tracy, CA. and have been serving and walking with the lord ever since 1999.I have been so blessed to have married a beautiful christian woman (who also has a testimony of her own) We now serve as children's Pastors to 50-65 children on any given Sunday. I love each and every one of them as my own!And continue to pray for restoration of my family(my kids). I continue to serve and spread the message of the gospel,and love all those I meet. "And for that I GIVE GOD ALL THE GLORY AND PRAISE!" I dont even deserve to be writing this story or sharing it with anyone,let alone living. But GOD loves us so much that he gives us the best! For that I am a true testimonoy of his Power,Love,Strength,and Wisdom. If I have touched just 1 life with my story then I am truly blessed,and if you ever want to contact me or my wife please feel free! We love you all, those lost, backslidin, confused, scared, lonely, addicted,and hopeless. "I LOVE YOU", but HE loves you even more. please call on the name of JESUS and watch all things change for the better. Like I tell all those that I speak to "Give GOD a year of your life, and if you don't like it, the DEVIL WILL GIVE YOU BACK EVERYTHING YOU LOST!"