Some of my life and testimony
Some of my life and testimony
Written by jesuskvinne
Posted on Saturday, September 20, 2008 at 10:06 AM.
As for many others, my testimony also is way to long to put out here! So you only get a little glimpse into some periods of my life and my today. Some off them are from the last 7 years that I sometime refers to as my hard years in blasts and messages.
I use to put it this way: "I've been a christian for all my life except 5 minutes in 7t grade!". Back then I got what became the most important question in my whole life from a classmate (he had heared my mom had become a christian)that was: "are you a christian also??" Honest as I was, I said "No, I'm not" because that was what I believed. WOW my stomach turned everywhere!!! So I figured out that "I have to be, but I don't know what it mean..." (I'm not from a christian family, but we have become one, only 1 brother left). I'd always loved to read, and after this I started to read NT. One year later when I turned 15 I got my first Bible. Before I turned 18 I had to use tape to hold it together and other was referring to it as my 'colour map'! Before turning 20 I had been through the whole Bible several times. I loved the word of God!! And still do!!!
Somewhere between 18 and 19 (I think) God came to me one evening and asked me a question: "Will you go through your past so you can say it is over?? So you can become totally free to live with and for me today and in My will and calling for your tomorrow??" My 'yes' to that gave me some hard months with lot of pain and tears as God showed me all my wounds, but also helped me to go through it all at the same time as He healed me and restored me. The most important thing He revealed for me was His heart as a Father! For the first time in life, I both knew and felt I was loved and accepted for the one I was.
Autumn/fall 2005
I'm 30 years old, been married 9 years, have my 2 boys. Oldest is 2 1/2 year old and constantly sick, also having bad sleeping disorders (since birth). My youngest is 1/2 year and something is wrong...but what??? My husband lives with us but in his own world- his psychic problems and illnesses have only become worse the latest years... Me- I sleep maybe 3 hours each night and have done that since Sep-02, up 10-15 times each night because of the boys and longest sleeping periods are 30-40 minutes. Have to do everything on my own (house, car, shopping, economy, children...) I'm sooo tired, and also developing medical depression because of some tab's I reacted neg to. Lives minute by minute to 'survive' and come through every day and night...Remember I told my mom to never ask how I was when she called me, because I would only start crying and do so for 20-30 minutes. I know God is there with us, with me, His word says so! But I never feel His presence...just that everything is tooo much to bear...
Feb 2006
I told my doctor 2 months earlier that something was not right with my body because of the tiredness and exhaustion I was feeling...he wouldn't believe me.
My oldest turns 3, and has already developed depression because of the home situation. I finally out my foot down and tells my husband that he has to move out for a short period so he can become a bit better before returning home. Supposed to be a month or two...
Summer 2006
My husband haven't moved home as our agreement was...and suddenly one day God tells me that he soon will find himself a girlfriend. Remember the question from age 18? will you go through... God takes me through becoming alone, betrayed, a single parent and many other things according to the situations that will come... so though, but in a strange way I see His grace and deep love for me and my boys. Because we have normal family days when they are home, but at once their weekends at daddy starts- God started working with me, preparing me and healing me at the same time...Many broken dreams, many tears, many dark hours and days and a loving God caring for His daughter!!
Sep/Oct 2006
Still fighting with doctors for myself and my youngest. Start to work 100 % and not only 50, still only 2-3 hour sleep every night and up 10-15 times, moving to new apartment, my husband find himself a girlfriend, trouble at my workplace (in only 2 weeks I go from 'angel to devil'). Lives 5 minutes at time to be able to come through my days and nights...
2007
When the new year party is over I do as usual! Sit down with my Bible and prays, letting God show me what the last year had contained and give me glimpse into the new. Our main-verses for 07 becomes Jer.33.3+6 and one month later I get Isa.48.10-11. And one word "Sabbath-year". My 2-3 years in the 'desert', just living by faith, on His word is over and God 'starts' to speak more an more into my life again. He reveals some off all He had done and planted into me the last 5 hard years.The "sabbath-year" turns out to be about finding in to His peace and rest in Him, not in the circumstances in life. Because life in 07 also contains a lot of hard times and issues like; my body says total stop and I end up stay-at-home- mom not able to do anything, my husband chooses the other lady twice more before me, our boys and our family life, my main income suddenly drops 70 %, I get divorced, still trouble with workplace and guess if people love chatting about everything...and more. November 07 I finally after 2 years in a strange way (God involved) get a doctor that believes me and are diagnosed CFS (ME), and it turns out I'd had it for a while...
2 important lines to see in this...
#1 I said I read A LOT in the Bible my first years. God gave me a strong love and need for His word, and He planted it into my heart and spirit. When I said I lived on faith, on His word- I actually lived in and off what God had put into my life those first years. He HAD already given me what I needed to go through everything, in believing Him and His word!
#2 Remember the question at age 18? 'will you go through your past'... God helped me do exactly this during these years. Every time a new issue came up, He was there, helping me through the pain and healing me- loving me and let "everything work together to good" because I let Him into it and let Him show me his way through it and out of it. I never was the strong one, He IS my strong one, my strong tower and shelter! And when I couldn't walk on my own, He came and lifted me and my boys up into His loving arms and carried us!!!
Today
I LOVE HIM!!! He is my life, and every new day is sooo exciting!! What will You do today God?? What can I do for You today?? He has learned me how to be happy and have peace in mind, even though me circumstances aren't what we call perfect. There still are many 'storms and troubles' in life, but what do that matter?? Because He is here with me!!! and He is able in all things and He is in control. I don't have to worry about tomorrow, I don't have to live in yesterdays pain and wounds- I can live today!! And what is most important today?? Love God and love the neighbour (and my 2 boys top that list!!)
When I say I know life can be hard, dark, though and depressing- I know because I've been there for years.
When I say I know life can be great even when our circumstances are 'bad'/hard- I know that too, because I live in it and have for 1 1/2 year (and gonna continue!!)
I know the path between these 2 are hard to walk, but I know it is possible- because He will be with you every step on the road as He was with me!
I use to put it this way: "I've been a christian for all my life except 5 minutes in 7t grade!". Back then I got what became the most important question in my whole life from a classmate (he had heared my mom had become a christian)that was: "are you a christian also??" Honest as I was, I said "No, I'm not" because that was what I believed. WOW my stomach turned everywhere!!! So I figured out that "I have to be, but I don't know what it mean..." (I'm not from a christian family, but we have become one, only 1 brother left). I'd always loved to read, and after this I started to read NT. One year later when I turned 15 I got my first Bible. Before I turned 18 I had to use tape to hold it together and other was referring to it as my 'colour map'! Before turning 20 I had been through the whole Bible several times. I loved the word of God!! And still do!!!
Somewhere between 18 and 19 (I think) God came to me one evening and asked me a question: "Will you go through your past so you can say it is over?? So you can become totally free to live with and for me today and in My will and calling for your tomorrow??" My 'yes' to that gave me some hard months with lot of pain and tears as God showed me all my wounds, but also helped me to go through it all at the same time as He healed me and restored me. The most important thing He revealed for me was His heart as a Father! For the first time in life, I both knew and felt I was loved and accepted for the one I was.
Autumn/fall 2005
I'm 30 years old, been married 9 years, have my 2 boys. Oldest is 2 1/2 year old and constantly sick, also having bad sleeping disorders (since birth). My youngest is 1/2 year and something is wrong...but what??? My husband lives with us but in his own world- his psychic problems and illnesses have only become worse the latest years... Me- I sleep maybe 3 hours each night and have done that since Sep-02, up 10-15 times each night because of the boys and longest sleeping periods are 30-40 minutes. Have to do everything on my own (house, car, shopping, economy, children...) I'm sooo tired, and also developing medical depression because of some tab's I reacted neg to. Lives minute by minute to 'survive' and come through every day and night...Remember I told my mom to never ask how I was when she called me, because I would only start crying and do so for 20-30 minutes. I know God is there with us, with me, His word says so! But I never feel His presence...just that everything is tooo much to bear...
Feb 2006
I told my doctor 2 months earlier that something was not right with my body because of the tiredness and exhaustion I was feeling...he wouldn't believe me.
My oldest turns 3, and has already developed depression because of the home situation. I finally out my foot down and tells my husband that he has to move out for a short period so he can become a bit better before returning home. Supposed to be a month or two...
Summer 2006
My husband haven't moved home as our agreement was...and suddenly one day God tells me that he soon will find himself a girlfriend. Remember the question from age 18? will you go through... God takes me through becoming alone, betrayed, a single parent and many other things according to the situations that will come... so though, but in a strange way I see His grace and deep love for me and my boys. Because we have normal family days when they are home, but at once their weekends at daddy starts- God started working with me, preparing me and healing me at the same time...Many broken dreams, many tears, many dark hours and days and a loving God caring for His daughter!!
Sep/Oct 2006
Still fighting with doctors for myself and my youngest. Start to work 100 % and not only 50, still only 2-3 hour sleep every night and up 10-15 times, moving to new apartment, my husband find himself a girlfriend, trouble at my workplace (in only 2 weeks I go from 'angel to devil'). Lives 5 minutes at time to be able to come through my days and nights...
2007
When the new year party is over I do as usual! Sit down with my Bible and prays, letting God show me what the last year had contained and give me glimpse into the new. Our main-verses for 07 becomes Jer.33.3+6 and one month later I get Isa.48.10-11. And one word "Sabbath-year". My 2-3 years in the 'desert', just living by faith, on His word is over and God 'starts' to speak more an more into my life again. He reveals some off all He had done and planted into me the last 5 hard years.The "sabbath-year" turns out to be about finding in to His peace and rest in Him, not in the circumstances in life. Because life in 07 also contains a lot of hard times and issues like; my body says total stop and I end up stay-at-home- mom not able to do anything, my husband chooses the other lady twice more before me, our boys and our family life, my main income suddenly drops 70 %, I get divorced, still trouble with workplace and guess if people love chatting about everything...and more. November 07 I finally after 2 years in a strange way (God involved) get a doctor that believes me and are diagnosed CFS (ME), and it turns out I'd had it for a while...
2 important lines to see in this...
#1 I said I read A LOT in the Bible my first years. God gave me a strong love and need for His word, and He planted it into my heart and spirit. When I said I lived on faith, on His word- I actually lived in and off what God had put into my life those first years. He HAD already given me what I needed to go through everything, in believing Him and His word!
#2 Remember the question at age 18? 'will you go through your past'... God helped me do exactly this during these years. Every time a new issue came up, He was there, helping me through the pain and healing me- loving me and let "everything work together to good" because I let Him into it and let Him show me his way through it and out of it. I never was the strong one, He IS my strong one, my strong tower and shelter! And when I couldn't walk on my own, He came and lifted me and my boys up into His loving arms and carried us!!!
Today
I LOVE HIM!!! He is my life, and every new day is sooo exciting!! What will You do today God?? What can I do for You today?? He has learned me how to be happy and have peace in mind, even though me circumstances aren't what we call perfect. There still are many 'storms and troubles' in life, but what do that matter?? Because He is here with me!!! and He is able in all things and He is in control. I don't have to worry about tomorrow, I don't have to live in yesterdays pain and wounds- I can live today!! And what is most important today?? Love God and love the neighbour (and my 2 boys top that list!!)
When I say I know life can be hard, dark, though and depressing- I know because I've been there for years.
When I say I know life can be great even when our circumstances are 'bad'/hard- I know that too, because I live in it and have for 1 1/2 year (and gonna continue!!)
I know the path between these 2 are hard to walk, but I know it is possible- because He will be with you every step on the road as He was with me!
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