Staying TrueOur ability to stand in the midst of trials will depend on the focus of our gaze.
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My parents divorced when I was 12 years old and it took the greatest toll on me since I was the oldest and really the only one who truly knew what was going on at the time (amongst my brother and sister). This sent me into a downward spiral of trying to fit in at school and doing just about anything to "get in". I began stealing, lying, sneaking out, doing and trying to sell drugs here and there; I basically wanted to be known as the "bad" kid on campus. I ended getting expelled my 7th and 8th grade years in middle school and I was placed on probation. I was so infatuated with sex at the time that I stole my mom's credit card and ordered $600 worth of male enhancement supplements and I ended up having sexual relations with my dog due to the fact that I was so infatuated with sex. I never learned my lesson in anything and soon enough my mom got tired my stupidity and kicked me out of the house to spend time with my dad. Each night my dad would get drunk and he'd beat on me in some sort of way. There were times to where he put me in the bathtub and started hitting me and I had to say it hurt for him to stop. This led to me abusing my little brother and sister and sometimes my mom because I didnât know how to handle the abuse. I just felt so weak. I soon got interested in the supernatural and i had a curiosity that would've killed someone and it almost did kill me. At this time i was in the 9th grade and still doing the same old stupid stuff. I failed a drug test about half way into the semester and I was sentenced to rehab in Gadsden, Alabama. I started going out with a girl a week before I got locked up and she and I were still going out when I was released. In the rehab I was pretending to be a Christian and doing some supernatural things like telling people things about their families when I had never met them before. I didn't know what it meant to be a Christian and I didnât learn a darn thing while I was in the rehab because I started smoking cigarettes the day I got out. She eventually broke up with me because I wanted nothing but the worst for myself and she wanted nothing but the best for me. This put me into an even greater depression because I was looking for the wrong things at that time. I got into a fight with another guy about some stupid stuff about three weeks into my 10th grade year. We injured two teachers in the middle of it we were both sent to the same alternative school. We made things straight with one another. Soon enough I got back into doing drugs. I was doing lorsets, lortabs, hydrocodine, hydrocodone, hydrocodine syrup, Tuscin X, methadone, Nyquil, snorted my adderall, weed, cigarettes, alcohol, zanex, muscle relaxers, I did ecstasy once, and i was doing random drugs just to see what they'd do to me. My curiosity for the supernatural evolved with me getting into witchcraft. I was posing as a Christian while being involved with witchcraft with some Buddhist beliefs and I was trying to turn satanist away from satan and unto God while I was doing witchcraft. On may 6th I got arrested upon a suspicion of allegedly breaking into a car. I was arrested with 7 grams of weed on me and I was put into the holding cell at the detention center. My mother came and picked me up later on that night after spending several hours in the holding cell. She was one of those moms that would nag about everything for the longest time and this didnât help when satin was alongside me telling me that my life as completely worthless and i wasn't going anywhere. I shut the door behind when I entered my room that night and i grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills that was on my desk and I called my friend to tell him goodbye. God spared my life May 6th, 2008 when I was 5 minutes away from killing myself. Don't you tell me God doesnât love you because He loves you no matter the crap you do!
God bless you