goldiegrace007's Blog

A gynormous mirror broke the other day.....hey....I don't believe in superstitions...but I think cuz I'm on this new phase of life....to be more vocal about my testimoney to tell people sooo they can feel renewed hope and grab a piece of what I had...well...this mirror broke into millions of long shards and it brought back the memory I had of when I was newly married and I was working in Alberta at a Trucking Company.

This one day....I was in a hurry to help clients in the waiting room and one of the VIP's upstairs had an important call, he wouldn't get off the phone and I had to leave the clients and rush upstairs to give him the message to get off the call another one was waiting....the stairs were grated for the truckers easy assent.....but in heels and hey I had done it many times before, but this day...ooooooooooooooooooh man..things weren't going exactly as always...Now let me put this into perspective.....the office only had back walls...the front was all walls of glass and the partition to seperate the lobby from the hall going upstairs was enclosed in walls of glass...they weren't made safe..and this day from the top section of stairs...I fell..went tumbing head over heels and landed head through the glass...I was unconscious momentarily and in those seconds it was life or death possibility....the shards were hanging by a hair and were long maybe 5 feet or more pointy and sharp like a razor..they were inches away from my neck and hanging by a thread....I remember hearing before i opened my eyes...people saying over and over don't move don't move soooo when I gently just peaked.....this tall strong trucker said it's now or never and lifted me out....people were crying and the shards came down but he got me out in time and it was by the HAND OF GOD....because I can't express how close it was to being beheaded....It was a miracle...Angels were there....Psalms 91:11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways: Oooooooooooooh am I ever thankful......Praise God!

Okay.....well let's start from ten years ago....I was getting my townhouse painted and I take every opportunity to witness my testimony whenever I can...sooooo hee hee ha ha...here' s this painter....who well because he's my next door neighbor...I hear that he has it rough with his girlfriend....I smell the drug use and I see his countenance....When he comes to paint my place...I casually mention...if he wants to hear my life story, I'd be glad to tell him while he paints....He says sure and I find out he's been addicted to pot and cigarettes since he was about 14 something like that....He from a jehovah witness upbringing and doesn't believe in anything, he doesn't have any confidence and struggles with sadness....I tell him my testimony and tell him...if he wants to try giving God a chance.....God can break every habit and make his life victorious not defeated....

Time unfolds and I'm praying up a storm.....Then, He breaks up with his girlfriend, we become good friends and I'm seeing God move in him, my heart wanted to show him more of Christs love and friendship led to dating, Jesus shined through me, and slowly he opens up to going to church....The first night we went to evening church and I was so in a state of expectation......and prayer.....when I saw him go to the front of the church to accept Jesus, I was just peaking...our eyes were suppose to be closed...I was soooo happy...Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahoooooooooooooooooooooooooo....in the months that went by, he gave up marijuana, and smoking....He got a job with the pastor I was going to church at...The job brought him peace and took away the temptations of his other life, it built him up instead of tore him down...and then he became a musician for the church band...then he started a ministry for youth and as far as I know, cuz we're not dating anymore....He's on his path of victory..Loving People and Serving God...Praise God...Glory to His name...

Okay....soooooo my children are growing up and I take a nursing program for one year...I really wanted to become a nurse soooo that I could go on a mission where ever God sent me and be used by him as a nurse....but it wasn't meant to be at that time...a few things got in the way and hey....my neighborhood watched and it was how I handled myself.....that got through to them...I"m not a christian just by words....but my actions....It's amazing when you are vocal about praising God for what he's done for you and what he's doing....and then things don't go your way the world watchs and waits, they want to see you fall....but nope, ha ha ha....with God on your side....the bad is overshadowed by the good.....defeat turns into triumph....

One of the seniours in my neighborhood...spent time with me and I think it was important for us to have that time....I know when she died, she accepted Jesus and went to be with him....A single dad of two kids, who like things that aren't good for him or his kids....well...he says, your not like any other single mom I've met....your happy and at peace and you share, how come.....well I say God gives me the happiness, the joy of the Lord is my strength...His peace passes all my understanding, totally, completely....I share because He gives me.....Well this neighbor came to me when he needed prayer and that was precious....I was absolutely delighted to pray with him and I know when his time comes, he will know who to call....

Five years ago 2003....I began at the job I have today....The joy of the Lord is my strength and I'm vocal.....everyone wants to know, why are you always happy? Well I tell them my testimoney and they say...it's luck, well God was going to show them it sure wasn't luck...cuz more happens and it's not luck.....okay soooo I'm know working 2 years there and I"m reaching all my goals like getting Gold and I can say,no matter the challenge, the joy of the Lord is my strength and He's helping me reach my goals when I have dental problems, or car problems, or sleepless nights because of noisy neighbors....I"m trusting in God and I"m giving him glory for getting me through, I'm telling this to my bosses and my co workers...well in this one case.....listen to this...

I'm going to the airport with my children, my parents, we're going to meet my sister, she works all around the world on Princess Cruises...she only comes on land for three days or a week sometimes....only once a year....sooo I'm excited..and I'm hyper....

We're at the airport...it's late night.......I'm excited cuZ I never get to see my parents they live far away .....and things have never really gone right with us...they had disowned me when I divorced, though years later they took that all back and things are slowly becoming more okay....sooooo I was happy as can be...I want nothing more than us all together being happy....sister's coming Waaaaaaaaahoooooooooo........well her planes delayed and it's now two hours late...it's 10 or 11 at night...my children are tired and i"m getting a little concerned....I have to work the next day and get my children to bed still...the drive back would take an hour....oooohh please let her plane arrive soon.....

yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee there she was....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, I run to her.....leave my purse on the seat...my purse that has my a good amount of money in it, cuz it was the weekend coming up, payday had happened and my sister was gonna be in town.....I had my birth certificate, for crossing the border, the states is nearby and I like to go shopping there....my bank cards, my drivers license, my social security card....my cheques...my cell phone, all my earthly possesions for makeup, jewlery and my childrens photos, my prayer list wish list for God that I prayed every day....my budget for the month and the year...my tooth brush, my hair brush, heck I could of had my kitchen sink in it.....

I left it on the seat.......................................

Was sooo happy to see my sister didn't even realize it was missing till we were on the highway driving home and then I wanted to show my sister the picture of my daughters that was sooooo cute...and ooooooooooooohhhh my gosh...it was gone....

Take a deep breath....aaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm calm at can be...I have peace that passes all understanding...my mom's crying, my sister's crying and saying it's all her fault...oooooooohhhhh she shouldn't have come......I"m tellling her relax....it's okay.....God's gonna use this situation....I don't know how....but hey...do you see me freakin....nooooooooooo relax.... by this time, we've turned around and have gone running into the airport to see the purse is missing....my sister is balling her eyes out...I'm telling her dont worry....come on..the people sitting near the seats say they never saw anything....the security said no ones come up....Ooooooooooooooooh well.....it's only a purse...I can replace all those things...it may take a year but I pray that who ever has my purse really needed it sooooo now let's go home.....I hug her and say relax I gotta call the police...we're in the car and i"m talking to the officer....I CAN'T TELL YOU ENOUGH....I'M CALM....LIKE A BABY SLEEPING......talking to the police and telling them everything that was in the purse....my sister is crying in the background and i"m telling her to calm down...the police say, how come your sooo calm....I say....what's done is done and God's in control....it's going to be okay....he says okay whatever....files the report and i"m at home now..the police finish with me and we're driving home.....At my home,..I tell my sister to go to sleep I'll see her after work.....she's slightly calmer now...but still upset....

I put my little ones to bed and I go to sleep, have an awesome sleep and go to work...I tell co workers what happened and wait for my boss to come in to give me allowance to call the bank when it opens to close my account....i"m calm and everybody at work is shocked...hee hee ha ha ha it' s all in God's hands....no fear....

Sooooo now the bank opens and I call them and I'm telling one of the tellers what happened and asked her to close my account, well, she says...just a second....it seems like another representative is in your account...let me go over and see what's happening...

guess what happened.....

can you imagine....

it just soooo happens that on another line a lady is reporting my purse lost and wants to alert the bank that she has the purse....the representative I was talking to says you wouldn't believe it......the rep I talked to has the lady on the line that found your purse at the airport, can i connect the call.....oooooooooooooooooooohhhh my gosh....yes please....

I tell this lady about the peace i had....and how I truste God would purpose the missing purse for some greater purpose.....well.....she liked that and she told me if I could pray for her son's safety, he's a photographer in Africa and she's worried about him....Soooo I prayed with that lady and I just was sooooo happy.......My cheeks are hurting from smiling soooo much....and this isn't it.....People at work called me the good karma girl....I always corrected them I was looked after by God....

IN 2004 I started going to this wonderful church that was new in the area...and God works in wonderous ways...I tell ya.....when you depend on him, he takes care of everything...Things might always not go your way...I mean come on....my ex isn't suporting me that great for child support...my car breaks down sooo many times, my teeth are breaking....no dentist.....but I'm praising God the entire way....I"m thankful everyday...and here I am at this church it's christmas time and I'm tight for money like usual back then......well the church decides to sponsor single parents in the church and lo and behold this one day at church they give me a gift card for Walmart...it had hundreds on it and i was able to share with friends who were also in need....it helped us all through christmas.

Now something happened wonderfully super fantastic, in my dire need when my children left last year 2007....okay soooo I"m struggling again because my ex was suppose to take over the cell phonesthat I had just begun and then he didn't and I had a bill sent to me for 2 three year plans....and my place seems sooo big without the kids...they took everything and it was just sad......I was struggling with my car...it was breaking down and my teeth were causing me problems......Out of the blue...this friend from a long time ago...when my kids were just babies.........OUT OF THE BLUE!!!! She says she has something for me and well...I gotta tell ya.....I was weary and running thin at that time when she said she had something...I was feeling anxious......she has something for me and I was anxious what could it be? When I finally went to her home to see what she had for me..Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh man.........I just never expected this.....She said God spoke to her and she felt led to give me this money ..........Can you believe it.....Can you believe it.....Come on.....It was enough to pay a good chunk of the cell phone bill my ex left me with....but come on........God is soooo Awesome soooooooooo amazing sooooooooooooo wonderful I"m humbled...I don't deserve all the good things that have happened to me...who am I.......... I'm sooooo unworthy....Please if you are reading my blogs....know that God wants to help you and it doesnt' matter if you feel unworthy or beyond repair....HE's waiting to hear those words....Pleas come into my heart and all you need is a mustard seed of faith, then go to church and get connected...God will lead you if you let him to and He wants you to have a most awesome abundant life..I"m praying for ya...be blessed

Sooooo as it goes...I chose to stay at home with my daughters till they were ready for mommy to go to work....things were tight and I really had to rely on the Lord every step of the way...

When Brianna was 3, we were going for our usual daily walk along the river...it's soooo beautiful and fresh first thing in the morning...But on this day...it started with a prayer, saying Lord...my girls are growing and I don't have money to buy cloths for them....can you please bless me with some more babysitting jobs...and then we went on our walk....Brianna says to me...mommy...let's go down there for once...well down there was a street, busy with cars...we never walked there...there wasn't anything to see just cars...but wanting to please...I said as long as you hold the stroller the whole way..we can walk down this street....

As we were walking a car slowed down...I was cautious..and weery of strangers, but this woman rolled her window down and said hey....I see you walking with your little girl...and a baby..is the baby a girl too? I couldn't ignore her..so I said yes and kept walking...remember she's in a car...well hrmmpfff....the lady says...God told me to drive down this road today and give a woman walking with a buggy a box of clothes, my children had grown out of....that took me by surprise and I stopped....I wiped my eyes...it wasn't the sun....was I dreaming...she said..it would be too heavy for you to carry with the stroller can I know your address to drive it to your home....Ooooohh my gosh...can this be for real...am I suppose to talk to strangers let alone take things from them in front of my child...well Brianna said mommy, it's a miracle....we were praying for a babysitting job and she wants to give clothes. I told her my address and she met me at home.

I gave her a big hug and she said be blessed God is looking out for you....The past is the past...go forward...

I cried.....opening the box....I was soooo surprised....Having come from a wealthy home, and having been a model...I was trying not to care how we dressed...but I cared...I was lucky because I could wear the clothes from my modelling days....and here....and here...were clothes from Roots, from The Gap....my kids were stylin for a good two years with that box of clothes...When God takes care of you.....He sure knows what you like...

Life is good...I was healed from listening to all the condeming voices of my past...Life was peaceful and happy and God was there always...do you know...I walked and talked to Him all the day long and as my children grew...if there was a skirmish, two sisters you may know what I'm talking about...well I don't like to raise my voice....with a passion...I pursue peace over everything and sometimes they would get loud and I'd say God, daddy, husband, can you please go calm them down...I'm not wanting to touch that with a two foot pole...and sure enough....peace would flood the house and the two sisters would have such a change of heart....it's totally out of this world amazing....serious....one minute they'd be.....that's my toy gimme gimme gimmme waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh and I'd say God, daddy, husband....please help me I can't do that.....and it would change instantly and get this...they were upstairs and I was downstairs and all of a sudden I'd hear....I love you sister...you can have the toy...lets play bible study...I'll be the preacher...you get the stuffed animals and I'll prepare my sermon....

It was incredible!!! Out of this world flippin freakin...incredible....

Okay soooo listen to this...My bestest buddy friend adopted sister Audrey...she's a wise wise friend who taught me stuff like.....when you go somewhere, leave it cleaner than when you arrived...where ever you go...leave your mark of cleaner...she would say write a list of what you want from God....the list can include everything from the shower curtain you need to the debts your husband left you with.....well...I was stubborn...I said okay I'll make a list....but I'll handle the debts because it was my mistake to marry him and I'll get a job and deal with that later....I just shared that with her...well...over the year, I was crossing this and that and this off my list....till one day...at church I met this nice lady Noella...who really interested me because she cooked vegan and I was a cook on all other stuff except vegan..so I invited her to my home...

LIsten to this...now my list has been taken care of...I have a beautiful dining room set that my friend Audrey gave me...I have the shower curtain of my dreams...the bath mats...the kitchen rug...the chandilier...the t.v. the stereo...the toys galore....all given to me by this person or that...sooo inviting Noella, I was proud of my home....no one could know that I was not as rich as the jone's....Audrey taught me to not be shy with God...He's my father and I"m a kings kid, sooooo I could ask for anything....

Sooooo we had a lovely visit...I really enjoyed Noella's company and was hoping to invite her again...she said as much also....

Sooo when she showed up at my door the next morning...trying to hand me an envelope....I said nope ....no way......stop...I can't take that.....she said maybe God is trying to break your vanity....because we're listening to God and now you have to take this and listen to God...Gosh, I didn't want to be vain...what was I gonna do.....I couldn't take it...after all I didn't need it....I told her as much....She said than go buy your self a new dress....you need it.....what was she talking about...I looked after how I looked...I didn't need a new dress....I held onto that envelope for weeks...phoning them asking them to take it back, I couldn't take it.....Audrey said God's wanting to look after that ICBC bill that happened while you were married and the cheques bounced.....it's was $800 or $900 I can't remember....I finally accepted it joyfully and paid that debt with it....Does that make sense to you...? God says ask and you shall receive...pressed down shakin together and running over......Audrey had finally got to me and I prayed God would take care of that bill and He did!!!! IN the envelope was $1000......can you imagine?

If you think this can't happen again....right up until last year.....something happened that really rocked me to the core.....

Christmas morning 2006 my ex made an offer my children couldn't resist, they are 10 and 11 and he went from having them, sporatically for visits in his house that they shared a small room together...in my home they had their own rooms...but in my home the t'v was downstairs and that morning he had two rooms for them, with t.v.'s in both rooms...ninendo and ipods...digital cameras..sure I was working now and that in itself was a miracle...when some of my close friends were trying to find and keep jobs....God answered my prayer with a job close to home, with flexible hours with a supervisor that cared more than I could even believe...the friends at work who became like my sisters...I"m soooo blessed with that job....

But back to that fateful morning when my children packed their stuff up and went to live at my ex's....that broke my heart into a trillion pieces and just left me numb and void....I was soooooo sad and became a work aholic...but he tricked me....he said when the kids would be living at his house he would take over the cell phones i had just signed 3 year contracts for and three months later i get a bundle of mail that all of a sudden is $1200 for the cell phones that haven't been paid and they stopped the 3 year plan and billed me for the entire plan all at once.....I couldn't keep my townhouse...I wasn't paying subsidized rates anymore...I was paying full price.....they never returned my calls and I was soooooo in a bad spot...I didn't loose my faith but i let fear take hold again....I was alone after all...and I needed to find another place to live that's closer to work and would save me money....I didn't have my girls and I gave up on living....I threw away my bed...slept on the couch....I was a robot.....working 12 hours sleeping the rest...then my youngest said she liked the city she was living in and couldn't i move to her city sooo she could live with me and Brianna would live with me 1/2 the time....I jumped on the chance but really didn't have the money.. my car had broken down numerous times that year and finally it bit the dust...I left it to the auto wreckers graveyard...I didn't see how I was going to move and I prayed God help us....God please make a way for me to be closer to my children sooo that I could be part of their lives again....

Out of the blue....the really good friend of mine...with whom I never get a chance to visit...she has 5 children and homeschools plus her husband is the paster of the church, I used to go to that prayed for the charming spirit of my husbands not to enter the courtroom....well....fear was still griping my heart...I mean I lost my car....I lost my children....troubles come in three's dontcha know it....in the back of my head...I thought...maybe my ex was taking me back to court and Rose was somehow involved.....she had called and said she had something to give me....well the first thing that jumped in my head was....she's a court paper server...I forget what those people are called.....sooooooo I said ha no way....I'm not coming.....I emailed my friend Audrey and told her my fear.....she said I was being ridiculous and should give Rose a chance....well...I had to admit...my fears were becoming border line paranoia....I was sleep deprived and not eating right.....working too much.... my nerves were not running at par.....well...I phoned Rose and said okay...I'm coming.....


This is not chance...this is not luck...this is not some wild fluke!

God is at work in my life...and I hope I can give back ten fold to what He's given me through this life.....

Do you know what Rose had......an envelope....an envelope of money.....In it was $800, enough for moving and more......my damage deposit, my move....ooooooohhh man, she'd listened to God and helped me......

Today I sit and pray that God blesses me with a job that provides money enough that I can give to the people He shows me triple the amount that was given to me....

I want to be used of Him, with my cooking, my baking, my will to serve.....I want to bless the weary and the broken hearted...I want to bless the single mother, the mother who's lost her children...the person...who's lonely...I have time...I have a listening ear...I want to pray for you ....I want to believe for you..to see your needs met.....I want to go on missions...I want to share my story...because without a doubt....I don't want to say the bad things that happened to me...but I've been there....I feel your pain....I know God can answer your prayers...open your heart....ask and ye shall receive..have faith...all you need is a tiny seed of the mustard seed...I didn't feel deserving...I still don't.....I'm not perfect....God loves the sinner...He wants to save you.......He's waiting!!

Soooooo here I was living in my nice clean new home....things weren't all settled yet...the court hearing for the divorce and custody was upcoming...I was 7 month pregnant and I wanted desperately to save my marriage, I was hanging on by a thread, emotionally...I wanted my daughter Brianna to see only a happy mom and find peace in the new home...but when she went to her friends home, I went to the church down the road...the paster there, knew my family...and I felt like I could open up to them...well..to tell a paster your husband is cheating on you and you want counselling to try to save the marriage, but when time after time, my husband never showed and cancelled, it was evident that, I needed to get a divorce and wanted to have the paster write a letter showing that I tried to save the marriage and describe how he viewed the situation....well the paster said...I only know one side sooo I can't write a letter for you...

Well...then I was soooo disappointed...I began taking my daughter to another local church but farther away.. ....and they were praying that God would bring justice to this situation, they prayed that my husbands charming spirit wouldn't enter the court room and that peace and safety would prevail....

You'll never believe this....now....get this.....God stepped in, in this case too.....ooooooohhh my gosh....it's just unheard of in my books, till of course this happened to me....

I"m going to a different church and who should call me late one evening....the pastors wife from the church I originally seeked counselling from.....it just turns out, the woman who my husband was having an affair with, was a christian lady from a totally different church from a different city...she couldn't go to her own paster for prayer, lets just say things weren't going well for her with my husband and she wanted prayer for healing and for him to be set free because she was in love with him....and where did she go...to the small hicktown church out of the way, to the paster that didn't believe me that things didn't go well with me in the marriage, plus the affair....she went to him...to ask for prayer and when he asked her what his name was.....ooooooooooohhhh my gosh....truth was shone like a light and the paster called, vaguely saying what I had said was confirmed and he would write a letter for me to take to court....aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

just breath....who would of thunk it...I didn't deserve to have the truth shone....I made my bed....God was gracious and showed me I could trust Him. It was a journey...step by step...I truste more and more...but...court was yet to come....and that's a big BUT

GOD'S AGAINST DIVORCE'S.....my parents are going to disown me....I"m surely not going to have favor in court, I have children, they need their father...what am I doing...why is the church praying for me..how can they believe I deserve to find favor with the judge?

They prayed that my husbands charming spirit and believe me it was charming....couldn't get into the courtroom....ahhhhhh if you could just feel what I"m feeling 13 years later..it still takes my breath away....

My ex could look like a model.....he could talk like a smooth operator....oooohhh he had the moves....and I was scare out of my wits....my confidence was completely shattered...I didn't know who I was....I was shakey...I was sad...I was broken...I felt worthless, useless and completely clueless about how I was going to make it through court....the lawyer had little faith in me....he said as much...you don't have any pictures, anyones testimony....I could have asked my co workers who'd taken pictures of my bruises to come and speak on my behalf...but I was too worried about inconveniencing them and bringing them into this stressful situation...it was my problem...I would face it alone....The lawyer said the most we can hope for is to get joint custody and get the divorce finalized....

Well.......the lawyer said, no crying allowed, no emotions showed,no pee breaks, just answer the judges questions and mine and we'll see what happens....

I was 8 months or so pregnant...I had a watermelon tummy and I can only say....I was timid like a mouse, scared and nervous and I'm not a public speaker...never was....never could.....but what I can fully say will all confidence.....the court hearing went through....my ex's charming spirit never came in..let's leave it at that....and i spoke the truth, without bursting into tears, without needing to pee, without sounding nervous....I was given full custody, I was awarded child support that with which I didn't even ask for... I was given a restraining order and I walked out of there....the lawyer in shock...my friend from elementary school had come...she was an atheist...and she said....there must be something about that God of yours....the lawyer agreed.....someone was looking out for me and my kids.....

I went home to my castle....exuberiant, bittersweetly exstatic....this chapter was closing....now onto the start of my new life...facing the birth of my second daughter, who when i went into labour.......and when she was stuck inside me and suppose to come out...she couldn't....she was stuck and as the doctor said..."I don't know where else to cut...the babies heartbeat stopped, she wasn't breathing and the nurse said cut here and the baby came out not breathing and purple and fear griped my heart...what's happening....her cord was wrapped around her neck 4 times and they rescictated her and she was fine...(I can't spell) (sorry)....

Meagan was my sunshine baby....she was my gift from God....for the record, both my daughter were my gift from God, but Meagan...slept for 10 hours from the moment she came out of me.....Being a single parent was going to be interesting, but hey, when God has your back, that baby isn't going to give you any problems...nope....slept soooo well....it was increbible....

Sooooo as it goes......things don't end there....and shucks...my youngest is now 8 weeks and my eldest 24 months....they come down with vomitting....I think it's the flu....it's sunday night and toddler is vomitting every few hours....both children are having a fever of 104...i"m giving gravel and tylenol and nursing and giving bottles and giving baths and changing cloths on forheads....I don't know what's happening....my children never get sick....the tyelnol would bring the temp down some but now all...and it was the wee morning when i was weary beyond belief and told my toddler, it's just a couple hours more before I take you guys to the doctor....gave them both gravel and tylenol and said to my toddler....come on honey...lets all lay on the couch together...Meagan, Brianna and mommy....I feel sooooo tired...I've put on an alarm and we'll just take a wee nap....

NOw....I"m just waking up from the nap and my children are still on top of me...they just wake up and I go to put them down to go the the fridge to get something to drink, i'm soooo parched...my tongues dry...I fall down...I can't walk...I'm too weak....what's happening...what day is this? I went to sleep monday wee hours and low and behold...the t.v. was saying its wednesday morning...this can't be...oooooohhh God....I'm scared...I crawl to the kitchen to get the milk and make it back to the living room to give my toddler her bottle that I didn't even warm, I force myself to drink cuz I have to nurse my daughter....I give her a bottle too...and then I get the phone and tell my friend from church what happened and ask her to come get us to take us to the doctor...who confirms we all have strep throat....I was amazed again that my friend brought all her children in the car, when we were sooo sick and I had not asked her to cuz I was afraid that her children would catch it...she said she wasn't fearful and that God would protect her.....she also blessed me with groceries and drove me home...I was sooooo happy we were alive...we were going to make it....now how about my laundry....yikes a stomach flu.....how was i going to have the strength to take my laundry to the laundry room? I prayed Lord, could you please put it on my neighbors hearts that someone could come to my door and offer to do my laundry....was that too much to ask?

Well...I think telling my testimoney doesn't show that I'm a pretty private person, and I don't let people know when I need something....and I don't think my home was set up in a way that showed I was needy.....God answered prayers left and right and I had everything i wanted sooo I thought...and who should phone me...this day that i was weak and needing help big time.....

A lady at church that I had seen around but didn't know.....she called and said, I'm wondering if you could use a washer and a dryer? WHAT? I thought, pardon me...I said..."people just don't give away washers and dryers...what is this.....I don't really.....well......hmmmmm yes.....I do really need a washer and a dryer....and wow....I had it the very next day.....can you believe it.....the very next day....my Father wanted the best for us.....he wasn't just going to provide help, but the means to do it all the time with great ease......

I have to go soon, there's more....but i just want to say one more thing tonight.....

There was this elderly man, I always ran into on the bridge going over the river by my home....he was pushing a shopping cart full of collected bottles and I'd be pushing my double long stroller, filled to the brim with groceries, toys for the babies, diaper bags, blankets....you name it....anyways...he always pass me and mention....you poor dear pushing such a heavy load.....and I would always say....naaaaaaaaaahhhhhh no way...I'm not pushing....God is....I'm just steering....I would see this elderly man sifting through our dumpster and I would think...one day I'm going to bake him some cinnamon buns or cookies or something.....

Well it was christmas and I had gone all out wanting to give my children the best ever christmas, filled with friends and feasts and presents galore, a tree and all the fixings.....and when Meagan was 2 I did...Ooooohhh it was just supreme! But obviously I wasn't thinking about Meagan's birthday on december 31, cuz the day before....the 31st..I look in the cupboards...trying to plan a cake and realize yikes...there's just nothing left...the fridge is bare and oooooohhh my gosh how stupid can I get....? I pray to God and ask forgiveness for my stupidity and ask Him to please bless me with a babysitting job that'll at least pay $20........hee hee........ooohhh my gosh.....my friend calls and says do you want to go to superstore later(the real canadian superstore, grocery chain, plus toiletries and clothing and household stuff, toys and pretty much everything you need for a 3 year olds party).....I think to myself...hey...I may get a babysitting job, I may have $20 to shop with or we may just go for the ride, to get out and be with friends...(superstore doesn't do testers) I say sure we'll come....

well let me back track a moment, you know that elderly man, Bill....let me say this....we ran into each other on the bridge weeks earlier and he asked me what nationality I was.....I told him I was first generation Canadian from a German heritage....He got serious very quickly and told me in a pained voice that it was the Germans that killed all his family...everyone of them....Ooooooohhh my gosh, my heart went out to him....I told him that, I'm really sorry, but even Germans suffered atrocities under Hitler....my grandmother was put in a concentration camp and tortured and beaten...because they thought she was a spy....my grandfather who was a police officer left the country before the war,(he didn't want to fight) to make a new home for my grandmother and mom.....he left to Canada....my grandmother ended up escaping, a jewish priest helped her escape, he loved my grandmother....well to the day she dead, she was always fearful and panic'y that the germans would one day find her...I said I didn't have a real grandma like most kids, cuz she was totally tormented by what she'd lived through....I left Bill thinking for sure things wouldn't be the same...he was still hurting....what could I do....?

Back to this morning, day before Meagan's third birthday...who should be at my door...but Bill the elderly man who collects bottles and seems sooo poor and maybe hates me now cuz I"m german......yikes....I hesitantly open my door and Bill says...I want you to meet my wife....we have something to give you could we come in, she's in the car, I'll get her and I say sure, I'll put on some tea and I think to myself...ooohhh gosh I hope they don't need lots of sugar or milk... I haven't got a lot....sooo they come in and they are a sweet elderly couple....we talk about families and they start telling me about they're dreams...and how...they are dreaming of me and the fact that I don't have a visible family taking care of me....they offer to help me whenever I need it and before the water is boiling for the tea...they hand me this very small envelope...and I was dearly reminded of my grandmother who was an artist and she would every so ofter give me these small envelopes with pictures in it....They said they had to leave and hoped that whatever was in the envelope would be an answer to prayers...I opened it and inside was $300..aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh what's happening.....? I don't get this....I'm not poor I tell them...heck look around you...I have everything I need.....I don't need this money.....I can't take it..you are much poorer than I......His wife says...we are old...we need our sleep....God put it on our hearts to give this to you...be kind to us...now we can sleep....you need it...the Lord told us....my mouth hung open....I cried...hadn't I just prayed for a babysitting job for $20...what am I suppose to do....I can't take this....they said look outside we have a mini van, our house is paid...my husband bill, collects bottles to avoid waste and get exercise...he uses the money to bless people that need it....well...I ended up accepting the money and being blessed to pieces, blessed out of my mind....who would be soooo nice.....who would listen to God and do such a thing...I ended up buying groceries for the week, making a party for Meagan, with balloons and cake,presents and friend, goody bags....Ooooooooooohhh the Lord is Awesome....ask and ye shall recieve, pressed down and shaken together....tomorrow I'm working 12 hours...sooo I won't be able to update this again till march 19th wednesday...there's more....yup....more....can you believe it..

Soooooo here I was living in my nice clean new home....things weren't all settled yet...the court hearing for the divorce and custody was upcoming...I was 7 month pregnant and I wanted desperately to save my marriage, I was hanging on by a thread, emotionally...I wanted my daughter Brianna to see only a happy mom and find peace in the new home...but when she went to her friends home, I went to the church down the road...the paster there, knew my family...and I felt like I could open up to them...well..to tell a paster your husband is cheating on you and you want counselling to try to save the marriage, but when time after time, my husband never showed and cancelled, it was evident that, I needed to get a divorce and wanted to have the paster write a letter showing that I tried to save the marriage and describe how he viewed the situation....well the paster said...I only know one side sooo I can't write a letter for you...

Well...then I was soooo disappointed...I began taking my daughter to another local church but farther away.. ....and they were praying that God would bring justice to this situation, they prayed that my husbands charming spirit wouldn't enter the court room and that peace and safety would prevail....

You'll never believe this....now....get this.....God stepped in, in this case too.....ooooooohhh my gosh....it's just unheard of in my books, till of course this happened to me....

I"m going to a different church and who should call me late one evening....the pastors wife from the church I originally seeked counselling from.....it just turns out, the woman who my husband was having an affair with, was a christian lady from a totally different church from a different city...she couldn't go to her own paster for prayer, lets just say things weren't going well for her with my husband and she wanted prayer for healing and for him to be set free because she was in love with him....and where did she go...to the small hicktown church out of the way, to the paster that didn't believe me that things didn't go well with me in the marriage, plus the affair....she went to him...to ask for prayer and when he asked her what his name was.....ooooooooooohhhh my gosh....truth was shone like a light and the paster called, vaguely saying what I had said was confirmed and he would write a letter for me to take to court....aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

just breath....who would of thunk it...I didn't deserve to have the truth shone....I made my bed....God was gracious and showed me I could trust Him. It was a journey...step by step...I truste more and more...but...court was yet to come....and that's a big BUT

GOD'S AGAINST DIVORCE'S.....my parents are going to disown me....I"m surely not going to have favor in court, I have children, they need their father...what am I doing...why is the church praying for me..how can they believe I deserve to find favor with the judge?

They prayed that my husbands charming spirit and believe me it was charming....couldn't get into the courtroom....ahhhhhh if you could just feel what I"m feeling 13 years later..it still takes my breath away....

My ex could look like a model.....he could talk like a smooth operator....oooohhh he had the moves....and I was scare out of my wits....my confidence was completely shattered...I didn't know who I was....I was shakey...I was sad...I was broken...I felt worthless, useless and completely clueless about how I was going to make it through court....the lawyer had little faith in me....he said as much...you don't have any pictures, anyones testimony....I could have asked my co workers who'd taken pictures of my bruises to come and speak on my behalf...but I was too worried about inconveniencing them and bringing them into this stressful situation...it was my problem...I would face it alone....The lawyer said the most we can hope for is to get joint custody and get the divorce finalized....

Well.......the lawyer said, no crying allowed, no emotions showed,no pee breaks, just answer the judges questions and mine and we'll see what happens....

I was 8 months or so pregnant...I had a watermelon tummy and I can only say....I was timid like a mouse, scared and nervous and I'm not a public speaker...never was....never could.....but what I can fully say will all confidence.....the court hearing went through....my ex's charming spirit never came in..let's leave it at that....and i spoke the truth, without bursting into tears, without needing to pee, without sounding nervous....I was given full custody, I was awarded child support that with which I didn't even ask for... I was given a restraining order and I walked out of there....the lawyer in shock...my friend from elementary school had come...she was an atheist...and she said....there must be something about that God of yours....the lawyer agreed.....someone was looking out for me and my kids.....

I went home to my castle....exuberiant, bittersweetly exstatic....this chapter was closing....now onto the start of my new life...facing the birth of my second daughter, who when i went into labour.......and when she was stuck inside me and suppose to come out...she couldn't....she was stuck and as the doctor said..."I don't know where else to cut...the babies heartbeat stopped, she wasn't breathing and the nurse said cut here and the baby came out not breathing and purple and fear griped my heart...what's happening....her cord was wrapped around her neck 4 times and they rescictated her and she was fine...(I can't spell) (sorry)....

Meagan was my sunshine baby....she was my gift from God....for the record, both my daughter were my gift from God, but Meagan...slept for 10 hours from the moment she came out of me.....Being a single parent was going to be interesting, but hey, when God has your back, that baby isn't going to give you any problems...nope....slept soooo well....it was increbible....

Sooooo as it goes......things don't end there....and shucks...my youngest is now 8 weeks and my eldest 24 months....they come down with vomitting....I think it's the flu....it's sunday night and toddler is vomitting every few hours....both children are having a fever of 104...i"m giving gravel and tylenol and nursing and giving bottles and giving baths and changing cloths on forheads....I don't know what's happening....my children never get sick....the tyelnol would bring the temp down some but now all...and it was the wee morning when i was weary beyond belief and told my toddler, it's just a couple hours more before I take you guys to the doctor....gave them both gravel and tylenol and said to my toddler....come on honey...lets all lay on the couch together...Meagan, Brianna and mommy....I feel sooooo tired...I've put on an alarm and we'll just take a wee nap....

NOw....I"m just waking up from the nap and my children are still on top of me...they just wake up and I go to put them down to go the the fridge to get something to drink, i'm soooo parched...my tongues dry...I fall down...I can't walk...I'm too weak....what's happening...what day is this? I went to sleep monday wee hours and low and behold...the t.v. was saying its wednesday morning...this can't be...oooooohhh God....I'm scared...I crawl to the kitchen to get the milk and make it back to the living room to give my toddler her bottle that I didn't even warm, I force myself to drink cuz I have to nurse my daughter....I give her a bottle too...and then I get the phone and tell my friend from church what happened and ask her to come get us to take us to the doctor...who confirms we all have strep throat....I was amazed again that my friend brought all her children in the car, when we were sooo sick and I had not asked her to cuz I was afraid that her children would catch it...she said she wasn't fearful and that God would protect her.....she also blessed me with groceries and drove me home...I was sooooo happy we were alive...we were going to make it....now how about my laundry....yikes a stomach flu.....how was i going to have the strength to take my laundry to the laundry room? I prayed Lord, could you please put it on my neighbors hearts that someone could come to my door and offer to do my laundry....was that too much to ask?

Well...I think telling my testimoney doesn't show that I'm a pretty private person, and I don't let people know when I need something....and I don't think my home was set up in a way that showed I was needy.....God answered prayers left and right and I had everything i wanted sooo I thought...and who should phone me...this day that i was weak and needing help big time.....

A lady at church that I had seen around but didn't know.....she called and said, I'm wondering if you could use a washer and a dryer? WHAT? I thought, pardon me...I said..."people just don't give away washers and dryers...what is this.....I don't really.....well......hmmmmm yes.....I do really need a washer and a dryer....and wow....I had it the very next day.....can you believe it.....the very next day....my Father wanted the best for us.....he wasn't just going to provide help, but the means to do it all the time with great ease......

I have to go soon, there's more....but i just want to say one more thing tonight.....

There was this elderly man, I always ran into on the bridge going over the river by my home....he was pushing a shopping cart full of collected bottles and I'd be pushing my double long stroller, filled to the brim with groceries, toys for the babies, diaper bags, blankets....you name it....anyways...he always pass me and mention....you poor dear pushing such a heavy load.....and I would always say....naaaaaaaaaahhhhhh no way...I'm not pushing....God is....I'm just steering....I would see this elderly man sifting through our dumpster and I would think...one day I'm going to bake him some cinnamon buns or cookies or something.....

Well it was christmas and I had gone all out wanting to give my children the best ever christmas, filled with friends and feasts and presents galore, a tree and all the fixings.....and when Meagan was 2 I did...Ooooohhh it was just supreme! But obviously I wasn't thinking about Meagan's birthday on december 31, cuz the day before....the 31st..I look in the cupboards...trying to plan a cake and realize yikes...there's just nothing left...the fridge is bare and oooooohhh my gosh how stupid can I get....? I pray to God and ask forgiveness for my stupidity and ask Him to please bless me with a babysitting job that'll at least pay $20........hee hee........ooohhh my gosh.....my friend calls and says do you want to go to superstore later(the real canadian superstore, grocery chain, plus toiletries and clothing and household stuff, toys and pretty much everything you need for a 3 year olds party).....I think to myself...hey...I may get a babysitting job, I may have $20 to shop with or we may just go for the ride, to get out and be with friends...(superstore doesn't do testers) I say sure we'll come....

well let me back track a moment, you know that elderly man, Bill....let me say this....we ran into each other on the bridge weeks earlier and he asked me what nationality I was.....I told him I was first generation Canadian from a German heritage....He got serious very quickly and told me in a pained voice that it was the Germans that killed all his family...everyone of them....Ooooooohhh my gosh, my heart went out to him....I told him that, I'm really sorry, but even Germans suffered atrocities under Hitler....my grandmother was put in a concentration camp and tortured and beaten...because they thought she was a spy....my grandfather who was a police officer left the country before the war,(he didn't want to fight) to make a new home for my grandmother and mom.....he left to Canada....my grandmother ended up escaping, a jewish priest helped her escape, he loved my grandmother....well to the day she dead, she was always fearful and panic'y that the germans would one day find her...I said I didn't have a real grandma like most kids, cuz she was totally tormented by what she'd lived through....I left Bill thinking for sure things wouldn't be the same...he was still hurting....what could I do....?

Back to this morning, day before Meagan's third birthday...who should be at my door...but Bill the elderly man who collects bottles and seems sooo poor and maybe hates me now cuz I"m german......yikes....I hesitantly open my door and Bill says...I want you to meet my wife....we have something to give you could we come in, she's in the car, I'll get her and I say sure, I'll put on some tea and I think to myself...ooohhh gosh I hope they don't need lots of sugar or milk... I haven't got a lot....sooo they come in and they are a sweet elderly couple....we talk about families and they start telling me about they're dreams...and how...they are dreaming of me and the fact that I don't have a visible family taking care of me....they offer to help me whenever I need it and before the water is boiling for the tea...they hand me this very small envelope...and I was dearly reminded of my grandmother who was an artist and she would every so ofter give me these small envelopes with pictures in it....They said they had to leave and hoped that whatever was in the envelope would be an answer to prayers...I opened it and inside was $300..aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh what's happening.....? I don't get this....I'm not poor I tell them...heck look around you...I have everything I need.....I don't need this money.....I can't take it..you are much poorer than I......His wife says...we are old...we need our sleep....God put it on our hearts to give this to you...be kind to us...now we can sleep....you need it...the Lord told us....my mouth hung open....I cried...hadn't I just prayed for a babysitting job for $20...what am I suppose to do....I can't take this....they said look outside we have a mini van, our house is paid...my husband bill, collects bottles to avoid waste and get exercise...he uses the money to bless people that need it....well...I ended up accepting the money and being blessed to pieces, blessed out of my mind....who would be soooo nice.....who would listen to God and do such a thing...I ended up buying groceries for the week, making a party for Meagan, with balloons and cake,presents and friend, goody bags....Ooooooooooohhh the Lord is Awesome....ask and ye shall recieve, pressed down and shaken together....tomorrow I'm working 12 hours...sooo I won't be able to update this again till march 19th wednesday...there's more....yup....more....can you believe it..