Seasons of GriefAre you going through a season of grief where you are struggling to grieve?
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I AM A CHILD OF THE LIVING KING! HE SMILES ON ME! About me: I didnt always feel that God was smiling on me. As a child I didnt feel good enough, pretty enough, and smart enough. On the outside, I wore a smile and was polite. But on the inside I cried. I longed for a mother and father to tuck me into bed at night and to send me off to school in the day. I longed for brothers and sisters that I could play with daily. I didnt think God was smiling on me. I was brought up by my uncle and aunt, who I know now were the best people that God could have ever placed in my life. They tucked me in bed at night and saw me off to school every day. They took care of me when I was ill and showered me with love every single day. They fed me, shopped for me, clothed me, worried about me, protected me, cried about me, cried with me, they taught me how to be a little lady and taught me about God. Little did I know, God was smiling on me! Selfish, self-centered, were my middle names. I didnt think God was smiling on me. Always wanting more than I had, always wanting to be somewhere where I wasnt, always looking outside of myself for people, places and things to make me happy. I didnt think God was smiling on me. I turned to sex, alcohol and drugs at an early age to fill the empty void. I didnt think God would or could ever smile on me. I married very young and had my first child at the age of 16. I was a frightened little girl who dared to tell anyone that I didnt know how to be a wife or mother. I didnt think God was smiling on me. For almost 25 years I was lost in sin. I didnt think God was smiling on me. I drank, did drugs, had sex with strangers, married for the 2nd time to an addict just like me, abandoned my children, and sold my soul to the evil one, I hardly ever remember praying. I just knew that God couldnt smiling on me. I was delivered from alcohol and drugs in 1989, November 2, 1989 to be exact. I still didnt know that God was smiling on me. Despite living through rapes, beatings, overdoses, diseases, homelessness, anger, rage, fear, and despair, I didnt think God was smiling on me. Shame and guilt overwhelmed me day and night. I began searching a few years ago for God, not just a higher power, I wanted to find and know the one only true God. I went from church to church year after year, not finding what I was looking for. I didnt think God was smiling on me. In February of 2004, it was a Wednesday night. I found Him! Well, I really didn't find Him as He was not lost. I walked into the Word Church in Maple Heights OH. There He was, He filled the sanctuary with His Holy Spirit. Glory be to God! I sat and listened, cried, prayed, stood and shouted, praised Him, cried and prayed some more. At last, I knew God was smiling on me! Under the spiritual teachings of Pastor R.A. Vernon, I have no doubt that God is smiling on me. I have been through hardships since coming to the Word Church, but I know that God Smiles On me. Family problems, financial problems, health problems; but they dont stop me from worshipping the Lord. I know that God smiles on me. I have heard that when I am down to nothing, God is up to something. The devil tried to make me take my life in 2005. But I want to tell you that the devil is a liar. He should have killed me when I was of the world. He cant have me now. I read Psalms 91 almost daily and it inspires me more and more each time I read it. The Psalm tells me just how much God loves me. I love the Lord and the Lord loves and smiles on me. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:12-13