Seasons of GriefAre you going through a season of grief where you are struggling to grieve?
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Hebrews 10:22 "let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."
When I was a little boy, I was so afraid of the dark. So much so, that I would be laying in bed and have to go to the bathroom and…well I wouldn’t go because I was sure there was something out there to get me. I would hold it to the point of no return and then bolt down to the end of the hall where the bathroom was, and flip on the light….safe. I had this fear of monsters as a child. Maybe from one too many shows on TV that I wasn’t supposed to be watching. I was just scared of the things I didn’t know. I would use the restroom, and then look back down the hall to see if anything was out there. It would take me a while to build up the courage to run back, being I had a little less motivation than my reasoning for going to the bathroom in the first place. Eventually I would build up the nerve and take off running back for my bedroom. I was so sure that…whatever was out there trying to get me…had moved from the hallway to under my bed. I would run full force and then leap, landing safe, yet again.
I don’t really have a lot of memories of ever really calling out for help. I think I had this underlying thought that I wasn’t supposed to be scared of things that weren’t really there. I still was, though.
As I have gotten older, my not-wanting-to-call-out-for-help hasn’t changed much. I don’t know why hiding from the things that hurt and scare us is so natural. I have found that God is the only healing force that gets me through the monsters of life, yet it takes everything in me to believe that. I’m trying to learn to let go and trust, and most importantly draw closer to God.
I have been going through one of the darkest and scariest times in my life these last few years. Peering down the old dark hallway, wondering if there would still be love on the other side.
I was sitting with a friend of mine, talking about the darkness we find ourselves in, and we could only come to one common ground: that the only way out of darkness is to draw near to light, it is to draw near to the life-giver, so that our lives can be healed.
I named my new record and my song “Closer” for a reason. Even though “closer” is such a simple thought, it is one of the most vital points of our faith.
I think that God desires our closeness with him much more than we realize. Where we spend our time is what makes us who we are. I don’t know about you, but I want life and I want it in abundance, making “closer” why I live.