Sacrificial LoveWhat does it mean for you to carry your cross?
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My life was tattooing, it revolved around tattooing, everything was about tattooing. The “friends” I hung out with got tattooed or were tattoo artists themselves…Before that my life was all about the Military.
I never took the time to actually create a relationship with Jesus because I thought Jesus was fake, a man made self help system, I thought He or it was some sort of crutch people used to make themselves feel better. I thought Christians were weak, I thought that when you die you turned into dirt and nothing came after. That way of thinking almost killed me. I thought I was strong enough to handle anything, tough enough to fight my way out of any situation, smart enough to stay out of trouble and the trouble that I found myself in I thought I could talk myself out of it. Like I said before, those beliefs almost killed me.
In 1995 I had a brief experience with Christ. I had accepted and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior in front of Pastor Pancho Juarez at Calvary Chapel in Montebello California. I stood alone in front of a full church and asked Jesus to forgive me. I felt the Holy Spirit(although I didn’t know who He was) I felt Him. I never felt better, I drove down the freeway crying that night, throwing my White Zombie and other metal albums out the car window. I drove straight to my dad’s house and told my step mom and my Dad that I needed to forgive them for all the stupid stuff I was harboring in my heart against them.
I was in the Navy at the time and I told everyone on the ship that I had been saved. They looked at me like I was a freak and told me,”It’s cool man when you’re ready to come back we won’t hold it against you.” I tried and tried to read the Bible. I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t know or believe that Satan was real. I didn’t understand sin or who Jesus really was or the difference between the Holy Spirit and Our Father. Two weeks later I fell for the lie that I had suffered an “emotional breakdown” read more on my website.