UnbreakableHow can you use your suffering to point others to God?
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Some of you may not know me but my names Jennifer and I am the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Before crossroads between by pleasures in life and Christ I was saved in 2004. I was living in the world and being of the world and being of the world and trying to be a christian at the same time. I was using as well as being used. I was drinking, and numbing my pain and not letting God heal my wounds. I was being in relationships that were not healthy physically or spiritually. I would go to church on Sundays and try to be serious in my walk with the Lord and was partying on the weekdays. Then I would feel lonely often and I would try to fill that void in my life with temporary satisfactions. I often completely rebelled against God and people that were dear to me. I was filling that void with unhealthy relationships or fill that void with alcohol, and drugs instead of running into the arms my heart truly was longing for. I was trying to look for that love everywhere else and I didn't want to give up the fact that the world couldn't meet my needs and biggest desires. I was beginning to want more of the Lord when I was hurt and broken and I realized that the world couldn't satisfy me anymore.
Ecclesiastes 2:1-3 I said âcome I will test you with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure, â but surely, This also was vanity. I said of laughter âmadness! And of mirth, â what does it accomplish? I searched in my heart how to gratify my flesh with wine, while guiding my heart with wisdom, and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was good for the sons of men to do all the days of their lives. So I was doing the same things that was named in Ecclesiastes. I was grasping for the wind and their was no benefit. So I was at my crossroads after 4 years of living to gratify my flesh and trying to please others around me as well as trying to live a christian life. Its been 1 year this month (February 2010) since I fully and completely gave my heart fully to the Lord. The Lord told me I had to make a choice either to die in my sin and be separated from Him for all eternity and never be satisfied or live for Him. I chose to give up everything for Him, and that was the best choice I have ever made in my entire life. I chose to give up my freedom, my pleasures and my desires for Him. When I chose to fallow Him He made everything fall into place. The doors completely shut from my past and I have started new. Everything started to fall into place when I gave Him all of me. When I moved back to Bellingham after moving away for 1 year, I literally felt like I was coming against a storm raging all around me. I didn't know where God was leading me and I couldn't see. It was like stepping out in faith on the raging seas. I had to push against this storm trying to stop me from fully accomplishing what God has called me to do. He has overflowed me with His love and is healing me from all my hurt and pain from my past, so that I have nothing getting in between me and my relationship with God. Pain can cause us to not be able to fully receive Gods love and forgiveness. He washed me clean and helped me to see myself the way He sees me. My vision of myself became marred because I saw myself with all the hurt and brokenness and pain that was consuming me. I was covered in my guilt and shame, was muddy and broken. So God cleaned me with pure water and washed all that dirt and muck off me. Now I clearly see who I am in Christ Jesus. He cast all my guilt and shame and sin into the sea of forgetfulness. When I was living for the world and trying to live for the Lord my guilt and shame kept me from walking fully for the Lord. Now I can't contain this love He is poring into me. He has healed me from the wounds of my past and everyday He is making me more and more in the likeness of His Son. He is now using me in other woman' s lives who have been abused and rebelled towards God. He has helped me to love those who I used to not be able to love. Now I know how to be a true friend to others and to love because my Savior taught me to be a friend and showed me how to love unconditional threw His example of Him dieing on the cross. His love for me is unconditional and now I can unconditionally love others. My obedience in choosing to fallow Him completely is what is allowing His healing and change in my life. Since I have fully gave my life to the Lord in February of 2010 I have not turned back. Believe me it was hard going threw Gods refinement. He wanted to get rid of all that mud and mire off of me from my past, so that nothing would get in the way of my relationship with Him, others and my destiny that He has called me to. It was totally worth laying down my life for Him since He did that for all of us. He wanted all of me and not just the Â½ I was giving Him. I gave Him all of me and I am still reaping His blessings from my obedience in choosing to fallow Him fully. His love is being made perfect in me the more and more I am trusting Him and to being obedient in spending quiet time with Him in prayer, worship, and the bible and letting my life be a sweet smelling sacrifice to Him. He is well pleased with us more then we can think or fathom when we give up our desires and do what He desires. Gods plan is not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future. He doesn't give us what our sins deserve but is long suffering towards and not wanting anyone to perish. God doesn't want to take away our fun, He just wants to protect us like a Father or Mother does their child from getting hurt. It breaks His heart when He sees His children hurting and broken. That is why we need His help to heal us and bandage our wounds and get us on the safest path and that safest path is in our creators arms. God is not to big to heal you or hold you. He created you to have a relationship with Him. He loves us much more then we can comprehend or imagine. I know He loves me just as much as He loves you and the same way He feels about me is the same way He feels about you. You maybe experiencing that muck and myer being thickly covered over yourself just like it was for me. I know this one thing...... God wants to clean that muck off of you that's marring your image of yourself so that you can begin to see yourself the way He sees you.
Psalm 139:1-16 says..... O Lord, you have searched me and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in- behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, âSurely the darkness will hide me and the light become night about me,âeven the darkness will be dark to you: the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. Thank You! May God Bless you from this day forward.
Sincerely; Jennifer Dally