carrcrashprettyy's Video Channel

For those of you who might be interested in knowing who I am, here you go! I believe in God, I fear him and love him and want to find him in every moment of my life. Im not there yet, but I would like to be very soon! Im extremely shy! I love laying in my room with the windows open on a rainy day! I love to read books about everything!! I want to learn about other cultures and what makes people tick. I like coffee shop conversations and the discovery channel. I play video games with my brothers and cousin. I laugh at things people probably shouldnt laugh at and feel guilty for it at times. I hate getting emails and I hate talking on the phone. I prefer hand written letters in my mailbox. I text people more than I talk to them in real life because Im incredibly shy and always feel like Ill say the wrong thing! Im an animal person (except for cats.) Silence scares the crap out of me, so does the dark. I take naps under trees and love hikes. I love finding patterns in things like phone numbers, art work, tiles etc. I have a constant fear of letting people down. Nothing makes my heart happier than an amazing rock show! Music makes my heart beat. I tend to get over looked and lost in a crowd and I always want to scream IM HERE TOO!! but I never do and probably never will. I over analyze everything that happens. I love to dance when no one is looking. I daydream my life away. When Im actually talking to people, I always wonder why this person would want to talk to me. I am happy to say, for the first time in my life, I have amazing friends that I know I can count on! Im pretty sure Ill never be married for several different reasons but thats another story for a different day haha. I love kids and how carefree they are. I wish I could be like that. I would love to see life through the eyes of a child again. I love photography and would love to do photography for a music magazine one day but Im sure that will never happen. Most people in my life dont take me seriously and thats probably my fault. I welcome change, most of the time. I love to cook and buy things for other people. Im not a girly girl, I prefer hoodies and blue jeans over dresses and heels. Horror movies sicken me! Ive made many mistakes in my life, God forgives me but I have a hard time forgiving myself. I love helping my friends and just giving them time to talk and I just listen. I have a fear of dying alone and no one coming to my funeral. I have a great need to feel wanted that has never truly been fulfilled. When I start getting close to a person, I push them away in very subtle ways. I dont want to let them down and I dont want them to hurt me. I feel extremely uncomfortable in settings where Im forced to talk to people and when Im in a room full of many people and I dont know any of them. I write a lot of poetry. Youll never read any of it. I get tattoos and piercings to rid pain. I let very few people see me cry. I can actually sing very well but youll probably never hear it. I dont judge people based on religion, #$###, race, or $#!@ually preference. I judge based on actions verses words. Im not ok with being me, but Im gonna work on that.