SpezalK's Blog

What's next? I find myself wondering if it will ever really happen. Will my life move forward from the hope which is within? The journal entries upon journal entries of years ago sit like stale bread on the counter. The life I bargained God for has not yet happened and I wonder what all the fuss is about. Whoever said by 25 you should be married to a successful man with 2 children hasn't lived my life. The fantasy world I imagined as a little girl has yet to move forward & I am now faced with the choice of how to respond. You see, the sidewalk hasn't endedâ¦my life is not in the slow lane, puttering along without a cause & a broken sail. I'm 30, just gaining another notch in the belt. Sometimes I tighten the strap to fit what I want, regardless if it's my "best" or what God desires for me. Today, I choose to rise about this life unanswered, never giving the verdict that I don't' have a purpose or destiny that is yet to come. I stand on the Word I sowed long ago that built the foundation around my heart & soul for a lifetime. As I reread the chapters of my life, wondering what drove me to walk down the questionable trail that wasn't on the path I was created to walkâ¦I saw the caution signs, but neglected to yield. God said that's okâ¦my mercy covered those stray moments. Deep inside the secret corridors of my heart I still have an untainted outlook on my futureâ¦still pure & soft to the touch. The whispers of hope echo distantly in the wind as I casually sit & ponder⦠wondering, waiting, and hoping for the life unanswered. From time to time, I'll pull out the old journals that seem like they were written years ago, but only 2 years shy of the passion that was outpoured within. Where did that beam of light come from that was shed at the end of the tunnel she saw? I crawl up into my heavenly Father's lap like a little girl ready for story time & open my bible & let daddy speak to me the promises of today & teach me lessons of tomorrow. Sometimes I ask questions & sometimes I just ponder what's been heard. Regardless, he's still there holding me each day & loving on me as his little girl. He tells me to wait on Him & guard my heart w/the truth. But, I say, Daddy, sometimes that's just too hard!!! I just want someone to love me & want me with all their heart as a mate⦠to hold the hand of my soul as we walk out the rest of this life together!! Will someone just love me!?! I gently feel His presence brush over my heart & he whispers⦠I love you my child like no man could ever love you & I hold the hand of your soul. For the time is not yet appointed for me to join you with that special compliment I choose many years ago before you were born. You will recognize him by what I spoke to your heart in the secret corridors. I want to give the key to your heart away on the alter one day to your soul mate I created, who will make a covenant to Me and you while on this earth...please don't beg for that key too soon. I don't want good for you my child⦠I want the plans I have to prosper you with a hope & future⦠the best I planned when I knit you together in your mother's womb. I counted the hairs on your head just so I knew each part of you. Your husband is soon to comeâ¦just wait on meâ¦trust me, have faith in me & give thanks to what you have today⦠for you are not promised tomorrow⦠just the hope of your soul being with me eternally. I know you don't know what I'm capable of through you yet â listen to my Holy Spirit & be guided by what I've put within you. Don't move too quickly, just be still & listen for my voice. I'll give you peace that passes your understanding. Don't be afraid to walk forward, just keep my light on so you can see where you're going. I climb off His lap and enter the day w/joy, peace & assurance that I have been chosen to live the life that hasn't been figured out⦠still a mystery & not like the rest. I'm holding on tight to the grace I've been provided each moment of the day to walk the life tailored just for me, yet sharing stories with other sojourners on their journey designed by the One who created mine. I smile at the intricate details that are woven together & how all of our paths have crossed to this point, wondering where He had the time to plan all of this? Hmm⦠wonder what happens next⦠I'll just have keep living the life unanswered.