Jennschem's Blog

Today we're talking about this battle we're in. Daily, we fight for simple breath. We fight to get by in this world of insanity, where people bowl each other over to get to the top. We're not even talking about the "fight to be someone" we're talking about "the fight to continue existence." We become "weary in doing good," especially when we try to just drag on by a single thread, or try to control our own lives and circumstances.
I, so often, would love to die, just so that the daily redundancy would end. I know that's terribly morbid, but it's also terribly honest. If I didn't know that God, our Father, had a reason to send me here, I'd... I wouldn't put up with it anymore. I would very definitely end my life.
But God, lately, picking me out of the depths of despair, has told me several things, all seemingly unrelated, but all VERY related to my battle with depression, all of them being the exact words I needed at the time. By writing these down, I know they apply to all of us, no matter where we are in our spiritual walk with the Lord, and the Holy Spirit can speak through these words if they were what you need to hear.
We are in an epic battle. We are waging war against the enemy by merely believing. Satan wants to drag you down, because he knows how special you are. He knows what an amazing purpose God created you for, and above all, he knows how much God loves you, and to hurt you is to hurt God.... that's Satan's favorite thing to do.
God is within you and far more powerful than the world!! Satan has no power over us that we don't believe him to have. We can't go saying, "satan has no power." Uhhh, not true. But, since, as Christians, God is within us, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US? Who? Literally. Satan cannot and will not win this battle if we are on God's side. This dork is fighting a war he knows he's going to lose in the end. He wants to drag as many of us down with him as he possibly can. Satan has no power over us through God! We are not our sin, we are God's creation, which is sinless because of the blood of Jesus Christ.
Satan is stupid- only smart if we let him be. He can take us off guard with the sudden ways we are tempted, the random sins we suddenly get thrown back into, completely surprised and defenseless. He is cunning, so watch out, but what we're saying here today, is don't give this butt-head the power. Don't replace God's power with Satan's power. Don't think that Satan has so much power over you, that you will never succeed. The Bible says we are "more than conquerers through Christ." Jesus Christ's blood abolished the block between us and God, now God resides with us, so Satan is shaking in his boots!
Enough about that moron, and yes, I love calling the devil names. No doubt I'll get hit with depression again after writing this, because, yes, every time I do something to spit in his eye, he spits back. But "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of courage..."
Again, getting on track.
About God being within us... this was astronomical to me. It was such a revelation. Jesus is here!
"But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God is Israel will be your rear guard." Isaiah 52:12. God is going before us, with us, and after us. We are covered from all aspects. We are so protected through a God with unlimited power and love for His people. This battle is not our own, it's God's.
"Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.... But you, O Lord, be not far off; O my strength, come quickly to help me." Psalms 22:11 & 19.
"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, do not let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame...." (Psalm 25)
Beloved, you will not be put to shame, you who reside in Me. You who are my dearest child, I will never abandon you. Trust my Lordship. Trust in me always. I am the Eternal Rock, your Shepherd, the Guardian of your soul. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk thru the fire of oppression, you will not be burnt up; the flames will not consume you. So don't worry. I never tire nor sleep. I stand beside you. The angel of the Lord encamps around you. I hide you in the shelter of my presence. I will go ahead of you, directing your steps and delighting in every detail of your life. If you stumble, you will not fall, for I hold you by the hand. I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I have overcome the world. I love you.
Remember how much He loves you! He isn't going to desert you when your life looks hopeless. He is God alone, from before time began, He is on His thrown. He created this universe, He created each hair on your head and knows the dreams, hopes, and loves that you hold within you. Mad, sad, or glad, God loves you. "But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers me.... I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side." (Psalm 3) "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)
God is good, and God is our warrior. God loves you- so think of it this way. You have the most powerful spouse in the universe, who is madly in love with you. I don't think we need to worry. God is on our side.


Shoulders


Through it all, You were ever near.
I stood alone, unaware that You were beside me.
I was oblivious to the arms holding me upright.
When my legs should have given out, I still stood,
propped up on Your shoulders.
When the battle cry rang out and pierced my ears-
tremors overtook my body.
I felt frozen in fear, yet Your warmth thawed me out.
Your breath melted away the terrors which stranded me.
The horror dripped and fell away from my body.

Yet my arms were too wounded to hold the sword.
I struggled to grasp it,
my fingers were weak and merely slipped about the handle.
Still You held me,
breathing into me when I should have died of my wounds.
You took the sword in Your own right hand,
and stormed against the enemy, defending me from my foes.
You, my King, fought for this peasant.
You were exposed, so that I could be protected.
I watched as the enemy ripped You apart.
I saw You stabbed, bleeding and wailing in agony-
from the wounds that were meant for me.
I saw You fall down and die, and I fell to me knees,
unable to cope.
What love?
What purpose was there in a King dying for a child who couldn't even survive on its own?
I rolled on the ground in deathly sorrow,
my eyes sore and red with tears.
My legs had given out,
my wounds were bleeding again,
and my lungs collapsed, no longer able to breathe.
Just as the foes came near,
just as I had lost faith,
Rays of Light came down through the darkness.
It struck my enemy down in its tracks-
then illuminated me.

This feeing, this warmth, this joy, this comfort, I knew it.
My legs were healed and strengthened beneath me,
as if they were upheld on Your shoulders once again.
My wounds were filled with new flesh,
and the blood on my skin was washed away.
My nostrils felt living air breathed into them,
and my heart could once again beat.
Death didn't keep You from me.
No chains were strong enough to separate You and I.
You came back to me while I was unworthy and despairing.
What love is this that You died for me?
What love is this that You survive for me?
What love is this that You abide in me?
A wretch, too weak to stand-
Yet there You are.
I am forever on Your shoulders.

Day 5.

Something we all see in others, especially fellow Christians, is judgmentalismh. Generally speaking, we hate being judged. We don't like it when someone we don't know decides to make a judgment call they had no right to make. This applies to a lot of things- age, gender, style, race. Stereotyping falls under the category of being judged by our cover. We also hate it when someone we know decides we're some hopeless sinner while they've got all the answers. We could quote Bible verses on this all day, spouting off constantly. But other people aren't what we're going to talk about today. We can't change themâ thats up to God. No, but we're going to look at ourselves.
We notice and dislike and even pick apart people we see as judgmental, but... Wait a second here. We're sitting here, looming over them with a pedestal of "I'm not judging.." heh, yes we are. We're judging them, becoming our own enemy. They are being judgmental towards us, but we can't return evil for evil.
Another thing we must realize is we really are no better. We fail to see ourselves even though we're so self-absorbed. We could look into a mirror and have such distorted and fogged vision that we would see something entirely different from what other people see. Love, look at yourself- not in the mirror- look through the eyes of God. "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." (Romans 12:3) God's love is so overwhelming! I am absolutely not saying that He condemns you or see nothing but your sins and flaws. That's ENTIRELY untrue. You are God's gem! What I am saying though, is that we need to remove the log in our own eye.
Don't deflate yourself either. That's not healthy. Remember that no matter what you do, are, will be, or have been. God loves you. God is in love with you. Yes, we are all unworthy of that love. But nonetheless, its ours.
God's judgment is entirely accurate, never hard bearing or condemning through Christ, interwoven with such incredible mercy and grace. When the Holy Spirit convicts us, it's freedom! Freedom as in- now I know. Freedom as in- I had no idea I was in those chains- and then, there is a key for the lock. There is going to be pain in changing ourselves. There is going to be heartache. And things, awful things, will surface. Sins that we weren't aware of from within will shock us.
But baby, GOD has never been harsh with you. Jesus died so that all pain could be cast upon Him. All our failings, our weaknesses, our scars and sores, they are helped, healed, and caressed by the Savior.
Look at yourself, don't go seeking out peoples' sins, screaming "REPENT!" for about a billion reasons. #1. Did Jesus go rummaging around in Mary Magdaline's life, screaming, "Repent of your !@ed?"... No. He loved her despite her sinâ loved her to a point were she no longer wanted to sin! #2. No One is going to listen to that without getting mad and being turned off to Christ. Paul used his brains when telling people they were messing up. He wrote with such love for them, concern, and yes rebukeâ but so overpowered with grace! #3. "Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another, instead make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.... Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.... We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.... Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." (Romans 14-15)
"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.... do you show contempt for the riches of His (God's) kindness, tolerance, and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?" (Romans 2:1-4)
Well wow! We could go on and on with scriptures on this. Don't judge others! Who are we to judge? If Jesus himself died for you, forgiving you endlessly, then shouldn't we do the same for others?
Once again it all boils down to love. All we can do is love. God will show us the rest.
Love overcomes all things.

Day 4.


Today, we're going to look at living for God. Often times, if we decide to "live for God," we get guilt -tripped into it. Or we think, "Wow, I'm so shy, I can't be a preacher. I'm awful, I'll never be able to do what God wants. I could never be bold."
O dear child of God, our views are askew by miles! We are so incapable of understanding God's grace and love for all of our feelings, hurts, and worries. We're so out of touch with the depth of His love and compassion for all predicaments. God gives each of us gifts, desires, talents. Once we fall in love with Jesus, those talents will shine through like radiant stars, and we will want to use them for a God who loves us! We will want to use them, because through Christ Jesus, we will learn to love others so much, that we just can't hold out on them! Love. Once again, living is all about love.
We can't live for God if we don't love God. We can't obey God if we don't love Him. Hebrews 10:1 "The law is only a shadow of good things that are comingâ not the realities themselves." This verse means we can't be living each moment of our lives, watching ourselves for sin. Often we think we have to be perfect to enter the ministry, but NO! Life is not about law!
Jesus Christ, our God, our Father, wants a relationship with you! He doesn't want you forgetting completely about Him, and about love, and to fall into legalism.
Galatians 5:1, 4-6, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.... You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you've fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."
We cannot live perfect lives, and nor should we try! If we could be perfect on our own, what would we need Jesus for? Why would we need a Savior if we could just save ourselves?
Anyways, another thing we do, and look at, just wishing we could "amount to" is some missionary who saved ten thousand souls in a desolate war-torn country.
Don't do that to yourself! Okay? I did that! It murdered my insides, thinking I had to be something I'm not. If your called into that kind of ministry, God will be holding you the whole way, you won't feel like your being morphed into something you are not!
Reasons: #1. The parable of the talents, (Matthew 25:14-30) we use what amount we are given! We are all given different things, hopes, desires, all for different uses in the Kingdom of God. If we are given ten talents, by golly multiply it! If we are given five, by george do the same! If we feel insignificant, if we have received one single talent and feel inferior, remember that that one, small, precious talent can help many more people than you think. Remember that God didn't screw up His own plan while creating you!! He gave you what you would need for the ministry He calls you to!
Reason #2. If you lead even one human being from misery to Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords, then your talent has become two! Every person counts! If only one person receives anything from this book, I will still be thrilled out of my mind! Because I know God is GOD and His plan is so complex, and I also know that behind each human skin is a soul, whom I don't even know, but the Father knows and LOVES! That's good enough reason for anyone!
Alright, now, another problem we start to face while trying to live for God is counting the souls we've led to God, or adding and subtracting our good and bad deeds. Goodness... I do this, so very often. Alright, these souls are not just numbers for our list of "good deeds!" They are PEOPLE! Infinite souls which are screaming for help! We need to love, genuinely love people and care about them, we can't just reach out to get them saved, then drop them. Jesus most certainly didn't drop us after saving us, leaving us to fend for ourselves! He is our ever present help in times of trouble. I'm not saying we can be, in a literal sense, Jesus, but we do need to love. Love, love, love.
What God really wants you and everyone to know is that HE LOVES YOU! He made every aspect about you for a reason! Pray, talk to God, because He is bent over, hanging on every word! Love others, Love God. The main way to live for God, and escape apathyâ Be consumed by love!

I LOVE YOU! â God.

Day 3

Dear God, how I love you, the reader of this book. If I love you, if I am writing this to change or save you, How much more-so does Jesus Himself? I want these words to be not my own, but Divinely inspired. I hope and pray that these words touch your soul, and make a difference in your life.
Today's lesson is a fairly simple, and maybe even overused one. Love. Songs, plays, everything is about love. Why? Obviously, it feels like magic. Love itself is so spiritual, so pure, so much more real than any object that the world feeds upon. When you get straight down to it, the world is hungryâ no, ravenousâ for love.
%#!@ is plastered on posters and movies and t.v. and radio. Music is no longer about love, its about what your body can feel like to me. It's about "I love your %!##, not you." How disgusting! %$$#@ is another incredibly pure gift God has given us for love's sake. Not love for %%!@'s sake! The world has been lied to by satan, once again, we've fallen subject to his lies.
Love is the love of someone's soul. The world has decided that love is lust... good grief, wake up!
Here's the point. God doesn't love us for what He can get out of us. It's not, "You shall measure up to my expectations, or I will stop loving you." It's "I LOVE YOU!" the end. No questions asked. Like in Hosea, God made an example of His own love for us. Hosea took an adulterous wife under God's command, and he loved her and took her back endlessly. He was cheated on, his love ripped to shreds and disregardedâ but still he took her back. He didn't toss aside his love for her.
We are that wife to God. We endlessly grieve him and cheat on Him with our idols. What we do makes Him cry and weep, but never, ever, ever will He stop taking us back. Never will He stop loving us. Never will He let go when we fall. Never ever.
I've said this in every chapter, because it's the thing we need to know most: God is in love with you! He wants our love too, as we would want our own spouse to love us!
The greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord with all your heart." (Matt. 22:37) Why? Because the Lord loves you!
Love, love, love, love. "Freely you have received, freely give." Matt. 9:8. The second greatest commandment is to "Love your neighbor as yourself."
And who are our neighbors? Well, everyone.
Luke 6:35, "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.... because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
An enemy can be anyone. People turn into enemies on a daily basis. Someone will say something that hurts us, a friend has the opposing view on politics and suddenly each of you are divided by a barrier. A spouse becomes an enemy for the day, a brother, a sister, a mother, a father. We are human and mess up, often times forgetting to realize that our "enemies" aren't the only ones who mess up! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Love forgives, just as God forgives without reservation!
Romans 12:9-21 is all about love! Disciples have been called to LOVE! And make no mistake, we are disciples. We could go on and on about this, and we'd never be able to fully describe how important love is to us, as Christians.
"For God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever may believe in Him shall have eternal life." John 3:16. A very well known verse, yet do we miss the meaning so easily?
God loved.... so He gave. His own Son died a horrible death. Total anguish and pain and torment, taking our sins upon Himself when He did not have to! Jesus loves us so much, He's never let go of us. We feel dropped, released, we feel like Peter, sinking into the crashing waves...
Peter called out, "Lord save me," and "Immediately, He reached out His hand, and pulled him up."
Jesus literally took your pain upon him on the cross. All sorts of pain, any kind. He loves you. The lesson today: Love others, because God loves you so much. We shouldn't keep that love inside ourselves, we should let it burst free, overflowing into everyone around us! Love all, because He does.

This one is really embarasing for me, just to let you know. lol.


Day 2

Today, this is a hefty lesson on plain, cold, hard, reality.
Our weight, our hair, our figure, our clothes, our make up... Let's understand something. We're gonna die!!!! Wow! Guess what, we're mortal!
God saying here, now, plain dead center: This is not your home. Know Me while here, My baby, cause I want to know you. When I carved you I didn't second-guess those eyes I gave you. I didn't second guess your curly hair. I didn't think, "hmm, he'll get a girlfriend easier without freckles." I decided to implant a gorgeous soul into a magnificent masterpiece of an intricate body. That's never changed.
Our looks, handsome, pretty, ugly or in between, guess what, they change within the blink of an eye! This is a wicked and adulterous generation who has LIED TO YOU! God uses those who are ugly in the world's sight every ounce as much as He uses those who are beautiful. (In fact, because of this world's lies, good-looks often corrupts the soul. "ugliness" is a gift, as anything is. God doesn't give us flaws, he gives us trademarks. )
I, personally, struggled with anorexia and continue to fight the daily battle of eating disorders and wanting to be perfect. In grade school I was made fun of because I was so "ugly." My clothes didn't match, my hair was a mess, I smelled funny, and I talked to rocks... yeah, literally. But back on track, God has revealed something very important to me through all those trials.
I. am. and. will. forever. be. human.
I. am. and. will. forever. be. LOVED!
Going from 160 pounds to 110 caused a great big fat stuck-up change in me. Suddenly I was beautiful. I had a nice figure, face. Dang, slimming down is where it's at right? This is great! I get guys interested in me now and people want to hang out with me because I'm "beautiful."
Like I said, in the blink of an eye, things change.
I'm still called beautiful and rod-rail thin, but I struggle on a daily basis with now, a new eating disorder. Less known. It's called binge-eating. I feel a void in my soul and suddenly I want to feel full.

What life is there here, for the girl with an eating disorder?
I am happy one moment, sad the next.
I look for answers in all the wrong ways.
I see my figure in the mirror, and decide to stop eating-
just for a day... maybe a week.
Later I am happy, but soon it crumbles.
What will I hold onto?
What do I turn to?
I turn to food.
I am a binger,
a bulimic,
and anorexia was in my past.
I look at the times when tears cease to flow,
and notice i eat like a normal person.
Then, the ever present emotional void creeps up on me.
It grabs me by the throat when I least expect it,
and its choke hold suffocates my soul.
My body pleads for reprieve,
pleads for the breath of salvation into my soul.
I know what I should turn to.
I know what I should do,
but instead, like the fool that I am,
I stuff food onto the pain.
What does it solve?
Do I feel any better?
I've failed again! I've said I would not, time after time.
But yet, I continue.
Continue to fall and stumble.
God takes me back, this I know,
but can't God just hold me up?
Can't He just grab me before I trip on myself?
This is my hidden sin. The sin that eats me alive.
It may not seem like much to you,
but it hurts to know I have no control over myself.
It hurts to lose myself in a battle with my person.
This foolish sin,
this stupid sin,
I can no longer hide.
I can no longer sweep it underneath the rug.
Pray.
Pray.

Guess what, my message in all of this is not "Look at me with the eating disorder." No, in fact that is humiliating.
God's message:
You have your home in heaven! With me! Live for me now, forget being perfect on the outside, let Me work on your inside! The skin will get old and your hair will fall out, but your spirit will live on and on. It is the one thing that will never go away.
Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, so yeah, we need to take proper care of ourselves.
But here it is:
Those fashion model's bodies, those hot dude's on "Abercrombie" posters, they're body is gonna be tossed in a coffin someday being eaten by rats and mushrooms, disintegrating. Someone digs up a model's body, then yours, they're gonna look the same. Rotten flesh on a skeleton. How pretty-ful.
The condition of your soul is so important! When those graves are dug up, who is in Heaven? Who is in hell? Who is standing with God? Who is burning?
I'm not saying that all model's go to hell. Not at ALL my message here. I'm not even going to say that a model doesn't follow God cause that's plumb not true. I don't believe in exposure modeling, obviously, but God calls people from their homes and lives to live for Him. Hot dog, if He's called someone to witness to agents being a pure model, then cool! Even if an exposure model simply confesses and believes in the Savior, their belief is "credited as righteousness" for "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and "righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe." ALL who believe. (Romans 3:5, 23, 22.)
Don't try to look perfect. Don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. Live for today. Praise Jesus that we have bodies! Praise God that we have hair! (some of us) In the end our bodies aren't going to matter, our souls will.
God made the package your soul came in the way an author makes the cover of a book, then stares at it in pleasure. The true beautyâ what God really loves. That's our soul. The contents of our book.